


flying too close to the sun

by jjokkiri



Series: monsta x bingo (winter 2017) [36]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Decisions, Friends With Benefits, Light Angst, M/M, Monsta X Bingo, Mutual Pining, Pining, Smut, brothers!joohyuk, changkyun is soft, hyungwon is an idiot, minhyuk's a moron too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 22:22:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12397431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjokkiri/pseuds/jjokkiri
Summary: Between extremely unhelpful friends and trying to come to terms with the fact that he's been crushing on his best friend for at least four years, Im Changkyun thinks there's nothing worse than unrequited love (and Chae Hyungwon's advice).





	flying too close to the sun

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the _Greek Mythology_ square of [Monsta X Bingo](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/MXbingo) (no matter how loosely connected it seems).
> 
> I started this work back in April and finally found the time to finish it, because I had a goal to complete my Winter Bingo Blackout by my birthday. Well, here we are: I'm finally done.
> 
> Thank you to the entirety of FS for supporting me throughout the entire time I was writing this. Thank you to K for continuing to encourage me, even after I corrupted the original document and felt like giving up. And thank you especially to Q for believing in me and pushing me to meet my goals. I love you guys.
> 
> Please, enjoy this self-indulgent disaster of Changhyuk.

“Hyungwon, _please_ ,” Im Changkyun, twenty, exhaled, sinking back into the sofa and frowning at his friend. “You’re not helping out at all.”

Chae Hyungwon, the twenty-three year old man sitting across from him rested his chin in his palm and leaned towards him, brows furrowing in dissatisfaction at Changkyun’s remark, “What do you mean I’m not helping at all? I’m helping you figure out your _complicated_ feelings for your best friend.” A pause. Hyungwon turned his head to look back at the textbook rested on the arm of the sofa and he gingerly flipped the page, “Which, by the way, they’re not very complicated—you like him.”

“ _I don’t like him!_ Listen,” Changkyun said, when he realized the leather of the sofa was _not_ going to swallow him alive and make him invisible to the older man. Hyungwon was never helpful—or at least, not in the way that Changkyun wanted him to be. But, in all honestly, Changkyun wasn’t even here to speak to Hyungwon in the first place. He looked up, his mess of ash blond hair falling across his forehead—the gel he’d used to style it suddenly failing him. “I know that Jooheon isn’t here right now, and that’s why we’re talking, but when does Jooheon get home?”

 _“Wow,”_ Hyungwon rolled his eyes, sitting back up straight and ignoring his textbook, again. “You come into _my_ house for help, and you reject me for my boyfriend?”

Changkyun groaned into a sofa cushion.

He and Hyungwon were friends, but they weren’t the type of friends who talked about everything together. Considering the fact that Hyungwon’s boyfriend was Lee Jooheon, Changkyun’s childhood friend, he’d expected that the older man could help him out a little bit. Especially since it would have been so much easier to talk to someone about a crush, if said someone wasn’t the little brother of Changkyun’s object of affection—or whatever made his heart pound in his chest, whenever his best friend smiled. Unfortunately, he’d been wrong. Hyungwon really wasn’t very helpful at all—it made sense, though: Jooheon was the psychology major, not Hyungwon. Hyungwon was just the extremely ridiculous law major.

Of course, Hyungwon and Jooheon had moved in together in Hyungwon’s apartment, so if Changkyun even dreamed of visiting Jooheon, he would have to see Hyungwon. They were inseparable, and they had been inseparable since they met in Jooheon’s first year of university. The third-year law major and the second-year psychology major strangely had an amazing relationship; an entirely impressive love. Minhyuk liked to teasingly call them a _dangerous duo_ , as there was something so intimidating about the couple’s fields of study in conjunction with one another.

(Changkyun just found Hyungwon intimidating anyway—there was just something about the brunet that made him slightly terrifying.)

“Jooheon gets back at around four. He has an additional class scheduled today, because his professor is out of town, next week,” Hyungwon told him, glancing at the clock on the wall. _One-thirty;_ Changkyun would be in class when Jooheon got back. “You have class at that time, right?”

“I mean, I could skip my class and wait for him to get back,” he remarked, “It’s kind of important that I talk to him…”

Hyungwon frowned, his tone surprisingly stern, “I think that’s a bad idea. You shouldn’t be skipping your classes, mister.”

“You sound like my mom,” Changkyun drawled. “I’m having a crisis, right now. I think _Introduction to Greek Mythology and Classics_ can wait for me to _not_ have a crisis.”

“Sure,” Hyungwon replied, sarcasm dripping from his tone as per typical _Chae Hyungwon without Lee Jooheon present,_ “Of course it can. But, won’t Minhyuk be upset that you’re not in class?”

Immediately, Changkyun’s cheeks flushed at the mention of the older man’s name. Minhyuk would definitely be upset if Changkyun wasn’t in class, because they’d decided to take the same elective in order to have a class together—an engineering major and a computer science major didn’t necessarily have very many classes together. Minhyuk had insisted that they needed to have at least one class together per semester, in order to keep their standing as best friends. Minhyuk would _definitely_ be upset if he skipped a class, or he’d worry into the next universe about him. Changkyun couldn’t let that happen.

He buried his face into the sofa cushion, groaning, and Hyungwon gently pried it away from him with surprisingly strong, slender fingers.

“There, there,” he sighed, gingerly wiping down the cushion he’d pulled away from Changkyun, “Don’t drool all over my cushions, now.”

 

 

 

It was difficult having a crush on your best friend—not that Changkyun _actually_ had a crush on Minhyuk. It definitely wasn’t a crush. He just thought that Minhyuk was really cute when he smiled, and whenever the older man draped his arm around his shoulder with a laugh, his heart would flutter. But, that didn’t mean he liked him. That was preposterous. It just really meant that they were best friends and Minhyuk’s happiness made him really happy—after all, the _thinking Minhyuk’s really cute_ part was just because anyone with eyes could see that Lee Minhyuk was gorgeous.

Anyone except for Jooheon. But, of course, Jooheon was Minhyuk’s little brother and there was practically an unwritten clause somewhere in every (also unwritten) sibling handbook that demanded that _‘all siblings must insult one another’s appearance’._ Otherwise, he could not think of a single person who could look at Minhyuk and say they had seen much better. Unless it was Hyungwon, but maybe that was because Hyungwon was dating Jooheon and it would be weird to say that his own boyfriend’s brother was _extremely_ good-looking.

Or maybe it was just Changkyun’s silly crush trying to convince himself that it isn’t just him who thinks about how cute Lee Minhyuk is. Or hot. Or just, overall extremely attractive to the point that Changkyun sometimes almost wants to fantasize about his own best friend.

 _It’s_ _weird_ , he thought. _Why could his best friend not have been Jooheon?_ It would have been a lot less strange to have a crush on your best friend’s extremely attractive older brother, right? Unfortunately, Minhyuk and Changkyun successfully bonded over everything nerdy and they attended technology fairs together; it was impossible to not be closer to Minhyuk, when Jooheon hardly knew what an _algorithm_ was (nor _pseudocode_ , despite the hundreds of times Changkyun tried it explain it for the sake of Jooheon’s science context credits). Minhyuk _got_ him. They were _nerds_ together, in Hyungwon’s extremely eloquent way of putting things.

But, that didn’t explain why Changkyun’s heart skipped beats whenever he glanced at Minhyuk, or why his chest bloomed with all of these emotions whenever Minhyuk smiled. For lack of a better word to describe his crisis, _it stressed him ou_ t. To the point that, sometimes, he spent more time thinking about Minhyuk than he did thinking about the assignments he was working on.

Sometimes, it made him want to reach forward and grasp at something he wasn’t supposed to try and touch—that something being an imaginary affection from the older man.

They were childhood friends. Minhyuk was two years older than Jooheon, and Changkyun used to play with Jooheon so much more, before they got into high school and their interests began differing. His interests matched more with Minhyuk. It started with Changkyun running over to their house and asking Minhyuk to help him with his homework—Minhyuk had been a senior in high school, working towards being accepted into the local university for Engineering, following in his parents’ footsteps (for the sake of Jooheon being able to pursue psychology, instead). Through Changkyun’s schoolwork and all the time they spent together, they grew closer, and from there, he became best friends with someone who was three years older than him— _two_ , Minhyuk insisted, _you have an early birthday and I have a late birthday. It’s only two years_.

The only problem was that Changkyun couldn’t pinpoint from where he’d begun feeling something more than just friendship with Minhyuk. He was in his second year of studies at the same university both brothers attended now, and Minhyuk was a year away from graduating—they’d gone through this before. Changkyun had been devastated when Minhyuk was leaving their high school. The older man had laughed and urged for him to work harder and apply to the same university, considering it was a local university and they’d all be living at home, anyway. Minhyuk had promised that they’d still spend time together and it was the only thing that stopped Changkyun’s ridiculous tears, when Minhyuk walked across the stage at his high school graduation.

Jooheon had laughed at him and called him dramatic, because they’d both be following in Minhyuk’s footsteps in two years. Changkyun had smeared his piece of cake on Jooheon’s cheek and stuck his tongue out at him. He’d cried his eyes out when Minhyuk enlisted in the military, shortly after his graduation to get it over with—a plan to have a more stable post-secondary education after returning from the mandatory military service. Both Changkyun and Jooheon did the exact same thing, when they both graduated from high school, despite their parents’ insistence that their education should come first. Changkyun’s parents had been significantly more upset about the decision, because Jooheon’s parents already had their oldest son make the decision, prior to their younger son deciding to follow in the exact same footsteps alongside a classmate (and former best friend).

Despite crying at every instance where Lee Minhyuk left his side for an extended period of time, at sixteen, it had been so much simpler—no feelings involved. But, Changkyun couldn’t remember when he’d first started feeling _things_ that made their relationship a little bit more complicated—not that Minhyuk could really tell that anything had changed between them, anyway.

Perhaps, it started from awe. He’d been so amazed with Minhyuk’s sacrifices when he’d stood up and told his parents he’d study Engineering, in order to follow in their footsteps, so that his little brother could pursue his own dreams. Changkyun had been hiding in Jooheon’s room, when they’d been yelling at one another downstairs. Watching a seventeen year old Minhyuk giving up his dreams for his little brother was amazing, and maybe, fifteen year old Changkyun fell in love, then. Maybe, fifteen year old Changkyun was already in love. But, back then, it didn’t feel like _this_.

 _This_ being the urge to grab Minhyuk by the wrist and pull him closer; _this_ being the desire to straddle the older man and kiss him. Changkyun’s cheeks flushed at the thought and he grit his teeth, unable to focus on his screen. His fingers had been frozen for entirely too long, as his mind wandered to Minhyuk instead of focusing on his assignment. With a suffering sigh, Changkyun closed his laptop and got up from his desk, grabbing a towel and slipping into the shower—he needed to get his mind off of Minhyuk.

_Homework could wait._

 

_“Im Changkyun!”_

Changkyun turned around and glanced in the direction of the voice calling his name, despite ready knowing who it was. Minhyuk’s voice was rather obvious, and that wasn’t a bad thing—there was simply something unique about his voice. Letting his bag sag off of his shoulder, Changkyun smiled at his best friend as the older man made long strides across the school courtyard to reach him. Minhyuk’s dark brown hair almost seemed to glow golden under the sunlight, and Changkyun suddenly felt like running away and hiding. Somehow, having kind-of-crushes did that to you.

“Hyung,” Changkyun greeted when Minhyuk was close enough to him. In response to the greeting, the brown-haired engineering student flashed him a dazzling smile. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel like ducking away in terror of acting on his emotions, and it was somehow comforting to know that his friendship with Minhyuk wasn’t going to be compromised by imaginary feelings. Or so he (desperately) hoped.

“Hey,” he replied, fingers pushing his hair out of his face, “I thought you weren’t going to be out of class for another hour. It’s only two-thirty.”

Changkyun shook his head with a small smile on his lips, mirroring the grin on Minhyuk’s face. “My professor was sick so he scheduled our TA to teach the class. Hoseok hyung goes through the material really quickly, so we only had an hour-long lecture.”

“So, you’re done classes for the day, right?”

The younger man nodded. Minhyuk’s eyes brightened and he hooked his arm with Changkyun’s, causing the younger man’s heart to flip in his chest. He mentally blamed it on the surprise, which struck him at Minhyuk’s sudden movement.

“So am I,” Minhyuk declared, despite knowing that Changkyun knew both of their class schedules like the back of his hand. It was Changkyun who often reminded Minhyuk of the classes he needed to attend, anyway—short texts, reminding him that he needed to be awake at certain times in order to get to his lecture on time. “Let’s go check out that new burger joint they opened a couple blocks away from campus!”

Changkyun shook his head, lips tugging into a small frown at the invitation, “Hyung, I have to do homework.”

Minhyuk clicked his tongue in disapproval at the response. He clearly had been expecting such an answer, because he didn’t even ponder the words before he shot back a reply. Minhyuk rarely ever missed a beat when it came to Changkyun, and maybe that was why he liked talking to him so much. “Do you really? Even if it’s my treat?”

Changkyun’s eyes practically shone with mischief at Minhyuk’s words—almost as if he’d been anticipating the older man to say exactly that. Perhaps, that simply stemmed from knowing one another for so long; perhaps, it stemmed from being so comfortable with one another. The younger man’s lips curled into a little smile, “It’ll only be a little while, right?”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. “You just wanted to leech my wallet, you little brat.”

Minhyuk wasn’t angry, but as the older man motioned for him to follow, Changkyun threw his arm over his best friend’s shoulder and grinned. The brown-haired man spared him a single glance before shaking his head and hooking his own arm around Changkyun’s shoulder. He was smirking and the younger man nudged him gently.

“You know you love me.”

And he dared to let his heart skip a beat at the lack of denial from the older man. Truthfully, Changkyun swore to himself that he was so far from the point of denying his own attraction to Lee Minhyuk, but he would much rather keep quiet about it.

 

 

 

But, he ended up thinking about the way his words left his mouth for practical weeks (days, but it felt like weeks), until he decided that he needed to talk to Jooheon again. The only problem was that Jooheon was always with Hyungwon, recently, and Hyungwon was far from helpful when it came to feelings. It was a surprise to Changkyun how he went from dead-serious lawyer mode to clingy and affectionate boyfriend mode, when he was with Jooheon, but failed to even coherently provide decent, helpful information or advice. Changkyun simply didn’t get it.

He and Jooheon had the apartment to themselves for the entirety of ten minutes, barely enough time to actually start their conversation, before Hyungwon waltzed into the apartment with a cheeky grin on his lips and a declaration to his boyfriend of _“baby, I’m home, did you miss me? I missed you so much_ ”. He barely even paused to look at Changkyun—almost completely ignoring the younger man’s presence, before plopping into Jooheon’s lap and puckering his lips.

Holding onto the cushion and pouting at the couple in front of him, Changkyun watched as Jooheon gently ran his fingers through Hyungwon’s hair with a quiet laugh.

“We have a visitor, Hyungwon,” Jooheon told him, softly. Hyungwon shook his head, keeping his lips puckered and demanding a kiss.

“I don’t care,” Hyungwon told him, simply. “I want my kiss.”

Sighing, Changkyun laid himself down on the sofa and staring up at the ceiling—avoiding the need to look directly at the over-affectionate couple in front of him. Hyungwon was rarely considerate of the people around him when he was in his clingy and affectionate mood; he didn’t see anything wrong with smothering Jooheon in love. Truthfully, Changkyun wouldn’t mind on any other occasion, but he was at their apartment for the sake of talking to Jooheon about all of his problems and Hyungwon was distracting his only form of mental (and moral) support, “Please, just go ahead and kiss him, so we can continue talking about my impending doom.”

Hyungwon made a face, making some distance between himself and Jooheon for a moment, “What’s got you in such a serious mood?”

“I already told you, hyung,” Changkyun groaned, raising the cushion in his hands to smush it against his own face. Jooheon looked mildly surprised, and Changkyun dramatically placed the back of his hand onto his forehead, letting the cushion fall off of his face, slowly. “I was here when you were in class, and I told Hyungwon hyung about my problems, already.”

“Has there been any development?” Hyungwon chimed in. Changkyun sighed, again. “You lose your life span, if you keep sighing.”

Changkyun turned his head to make eye contact with the law student, _“That’s okay.”_

“Wait, I’m sorry,” Jooheon said, removing his hands from Hyungwon’s hair and raising them to stop the conversation for his sake, “Are we still talking about my brother?”

“Of course we are, silly,” Hyungwon told him, voice disgustingly sweet. “Changkyun only has eyes for your brother.”

“I don’t!” Changkyun insisted, cheeks flushing red despite his strong disagreement. Hyungwon arched an eyebrow and kept the eye contact with him for a moment, until Changkyun deflated and looked away. Then, he mumbled, “Stop saying that. I don’t like Minhyuk like that.”

“I _swear_ , Changkyun,” Hyungwon sighed and Jooheon nudged his boyfriend with a frown. Hyungwon shot the younger man a withering look and Jooheon immediately looked away. “As I was saying, I swear, Changkyun: I don’t know what you see in Jooheon’s brother, but you definitely have a thing for him.”

“I don’t have a thing for Minhyuk!” Changkyun wailed, desperately. He looked desperately to Jooheon. “Does he _have_ to be here?”

“I would like to remind you that this is my apartment,” Hyungwon chimed in.

Jooheon sighed, defeated, “I really can’t help his presence. But, I do want to help you, Kyun. I mean, as best I can. I’m not the greatest with relationship advice, and if I’m completely honest with you: I haven’t really gotten over the fact that this is about my brother.”

“But, you’re a psychologist!” Changkyun insisted.

Jooheon sighed, “No, I’m a second-year psychology student. Not a psychologist yet. I’m only doing my best to help you out, here.”

Changkyun buried his head into one of Hyungwon’s couch pillows and avoided the tall law major’s gaze. His eyes were sad as he gazed into the glass of the coffee table and he pouted.

“I wish pouting could solve all your problems,” Hyungwon chirped, again, “Then, you’d get out of my apartment and Jooheon and I could actually spend some quality time together.”

Jooheon pushed his boyfriend gently, and Hyungwon rested his chin on Jooheon’s shoulder, protectively wrapping an arm around him. Hyungwon pouted at him and Jooheon spared him a glance. And it was almost adorable to see Hyungwon mumble, “What? I missed you.”

Only, Changkyun wished they didn’t do this shit in front of him. Somehow, it just made him want to wallow in self-pity for being terribly single and definitely not crushing on his best friend.

 

 

 

“Where have you been?” Minhyuk asked, when Changkyun opened the door to his bedroom.

They’d planned for Changkyun to come over to Minhyuk’s place, when they’d see one another in class the other day—Minhyuk had insisted that they should start working on the essays that were due in class, and surely, they should do it together because neither of their strong points were essay writing. Minhyuk seemed to have been waiting for him, despite being absorbed in his work when Changkyun entered the house—Minhyuk’s mother had opened the door for Changkyun, kind voice telling him that Minhyuk was upstairs in his room.

The younger man dumped all of his stuff onto Minhyuk’s bed and flopped onto it, right beside the stuff scattered on his bed. The brown-haired engineering student was sitting at his desk, and he’d turned around to look at Changkyun as the younger man was entering the room.

Changkyun murmured incoherently into the pillow and Minhyuk chuckled, shaking his head.

“I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“… I was visiting Hyungwon and Jooheon,” he clarified, moving his mouth away from the pillow, just long enough for the words to coherently leave his lips. Then, he proceeded to smash his face back into the pillow and groan, like the stressed out university student he was. (But, truthfully, the majority of his stress was the combined fault of his beloved friends; his best friend’s little brother and said little brother’s boyfriend—he’d like to blame it more on Hyungwon, because Jooheon at least _tried_ to help _without_ suggesting that he had a huge crush on Minhyuk).

Minhyuk made a face, adjusting his glasses, “Why would you visit them?”

“I had to talk to Jooheon,” Changkyun answered. Minhyuk arched a brow, but Changkyun didn’t expand on the remark—couldn’t really tell Minhyuk that he had to meet up with his younger brother in order to have a crisis about how he definitely _didn’t_ have a crush on him.

“Ever since Jooheon moved out,” Minhyuk started, “I think I’ve only ever visited them to give them food.”

“You still make them food?” Changkyun asked, raising an eyebrow and looking up at the older man. Minhyuk took his glasses off, finally, turning his head to look at the younger man and nodded.

“Of course I do,” he told him. “I have to take care of my little brother, and by extension, Hyungwon, since neither of them can cook. Mom and dad wouldn’t be very happy to come home from a business trip to hear that Jooheon died of food poisoning, because even Hyungwon’s instant ramen is horrendous. But, I only ever drop off containers of side dishes for them—I think they’re more than capable of making enough rice to feed them. I don’t visit them often, because honestly, I’m so scared that they’ll start arguing out of nowhere, and you know my opinion on them fighting.”

“They don’t fight often, though,” the younger man said, laughing softly. He sat up on the older man’s bed and picked up the plush toy sitting at the corner of the bed.

Minhyuk had always been a good brother, but he liked brushing off his obvious care for Jooheon with the simple statement that he was doing it for the sake of their parents. It must have been another unwritten rule in the sibling handbook to deny that he actually _cared_.

“I visit them more often than you do, so I think I’d know,” he pointed out. Minhyuk shook his head with a chuckle.

“Don’t make me sound like a bad brother,” he told him. Changkyun made a face at him.

“You know that you’re not and Jooheon knows that, too,” he said. “But, you can’t possibly think that they ever fight when they’re _that_ lovey-dovey with one another. I don’t think I’ve ever met a couple so open with their affections, honestly.”

Minhyuk nodded with an amused grin on his lips, as if he knew something that Changkyun didn’t, running his fingers through his hair and pushing his bangs out of his eyes. Changkyun let his eyes linger on the older man’s face for a moment, studying his handsome features when his moving fingers caught his full attention (and he could only hope that Minhyuk didn’t notice his blatant staring). “Yes, but they definitely both seem like they could bite one another’s heads off in an argument, and for some odd reason, I think that might be some kind of power kink. And contrary to the strange things I sometimes say, I definitely don’t want to be a part of that, ever.”

 _“A power kink,”_ Changkyun repeated, tone dripping with disbelief. Minhyuk chuckled, shrugging.

“Maybe,” he said, “We’ll never know.”

The sly look on Minhyuk’s face made Changkyun’s mind suddenly wander possibilities that he shouldn’t have been thinking of—pondering _kinks_ that his best friend might have, considering the fact that he was bringing up the idea (something told Changkyun that Minhyuk liked a plethora of things that they’d never talked about—things they probably shouldn’t ever brush onto the topic of, but his mind dared to dangerously tread the waters). The younger man swatted the ideas away with a slight flush on his cheeks and he hoped he could pass it off as the heat in Minhyuk’s room.

Laying back down on the bed (and pretending that his mind didn’t wander anywhere that it really shouldn’t have gone), Changkyun adjusted Minhyuk’s pillows underneath his elbows and then reached for his laptop. Opening up the lid and waiting for the screen to start up, Changkyun’s eyes focused onto the backlit keys on his keyboard, trying to kill the thoughts in his head.

_This was weird._

“So, about that essay we’re supposed to be writing,” he said, in a desperate attempt to change the topic and get his mind away from the dark corners that it was beginning to venture. He was innocent—never touched and only once kissed (by a random girl in one of his classes during grade school—it’d been an accident and he’d been horrified); he didn’t know why his mind was conjuring such thoughts about his own best friend. Surely, crushes didn’t go this far.

Minhyuk slipped his glasses back on, rolling his eyes and making sure Changkyun saw it.

“Yes,” he said, “We’ll write the essay, Mr. Impatient. I just haven’t seen you in a while and wanted to catch up a little.”

“Hyung, you saw me two days ago in lecture when we planned for me to come over, today. There’s no way that you could have possibly missed me that much; you’re just trying to procrastinate your work.” Changkyun remarked. Laughing, Minhyuk threw himself on the bed, next to his best friend and glanced at Changkyun’s laptop screen, pretending that he didn’t hear him at all.

“Have you written your thesis?”

(Changkyun sort of wished that Minhyuk really did miss him that much.)

 

 

 

“Why do you look so upset?” the cashier at the campus bookstore asked him, raising an eyebrow. He hadn’t been expecting to look up and see a shock of pink hair atop the cashier’s head—he hadn’t been paying attention to his surroundings before he approached the cash register. He recognized the boy, though. Changkyun had seen him working in the bookstore for every single year since he’d enrolled into the university, but he’d never actually spoken to him—nor had he seen his hair as a shock of cotton candy pink. “Are you dying because you can see me scanning all the books and racking up your total, or is it because of something else?”

Changkyun looked behind him, and then to the other man’s name tag; _Kihyun_ , it read.

“The bookstore is extremely empty, because no one actually buys their books in here, other than you. I get bored, so I like talking to people,” he said. “I’m Kihyun, Yoo Kihyun. I’m in my final semester here and I only take one online course, so I’m always working at the bookstore and it’s the most boring crap.”

“Changkyun,” he introduced himself as Kihyun quickly scanned the books through the red laser. “Computer science major. Second year.”

“Ooh, smart,” Kihyun remarked, arching a brow and stacking the books up. “So, why did you look so upset? School stress? Financial issues? Boy problems?”

Changkyun choked, “Boy problems?”

“Or is my intuition wrong? Do you like girls? I’m sorry,” Kihyun amended, quickly. Changkyun shook his head, immediately.

“No,” he cleared his throat, “You’re right. I just— _how did you know?”_

“We not-so-straight people can smell each other,” Kihyun said, not batting a single lash—Changkyun might have thought that he was joking, but Kihyun didn’t even smirk at his own words. “Human pheromones,” he clarified. “It’s what society calls the gaydar. I minored in human sexuality studies.”

Understanding dawned on Changkyun’s expression and he nodded, slowly. Kihyun chuckled in amusement at his response.

“But, does this mean you actually have boy problems?”

And for some reason, it felt natural to complain to Kihyun about all of his problems—or maybe, he was at the point of stressfully thinking about all of his problems that Hyungwon and Jooheon weren’t amazingly helpful with that he was willing to talk to anyone who asked. So, frowning, Changkyun nodded.

“Poor thing,” Kihyun said. “Me too. But, tell me about it—what’s wrong?”

“Everyone thinks I have a crush on my best friend,” he said, making a face. Kihyun nodded, understandingly. “And I really don’t, but everyone thinks I do—and I think it might lead to us having a really weird relationship if he hears people saying things like that. It’s not my fault that he’s really pretty, though—I just like looking at him.”

“Do you think it’s weird that people think you like him?” Kihyun asked. Changkyun shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he said, “It just makes me feel like I’m trying to lie to myself and that I really do like him, but I swear I don’t. I’ve known him for years, that’d be really weird.”

“There’s nothing wrong with liking someone you’ve known for years,” Kihyun remarked, flipping over one of the textbooks that Changkyun had placed onto the counter to look for the sticker that he could scan. Then, after a short silence, Kihyun expanded on his thoughts, realizing that Changkyun wasn’t going to say anything in response to it—not sure of what to say in response to Kihyun’s remark. “Maybe I’m just a little different, but my boyfriend and I were just best friends for six years before I realized that I might have more than platonic feelings for him, and it took him forever to realize that he might not just like me as a friend, too. I’m not saying that you _do_ like your best friend, but I’m just saying: it’s not that unlikely and it could definitely be a thing. It’s not weird, so you shouldn’t push off the idea unless you really hate it. If you push it off too hard, then I think you’re just making the relationship awkward all on your own.”

And it was weird to Changkyun that a stranger was so willing to give him advice in their perspective—it was better than getting an opinion from someone who knew both himself and Minhyuk. Hyungwon and Jooheon were extremely biased when it came to advising him about Minhyuk and it was stressful to say the least.

He opened mouth to respond, but he suddenly couldn’t find the words to string together. He furrowed his brows, tilting his head and pressing his tongue against the roof of his mouth in an attempt to work out his words. Kihyun waited patiently for him to speak.

“That’s an interesting way to look at it,” he managed after a moment of silence. Kihyun nodded, chuckling.

“A lot of people don’t realize that most of the changes in their relationships is because they’re feeling imaginary changes and they’re reacting to it,” Kihyun said. “Sometimes, it’s all in your head. But, you shouldn’t ever really push anything, either. I don’t think that’s a good thing, either—there’s always a perfect balance between things; sometimes, it’s just a little difficult to find, but I believe you can.”

Nodding, Changkyun looked down at the counter, seriously considering Kihyun’s words. His train of thought was smashed when suddenly, Changkyun’s phone vibrated. The sound drew both and he glanced at his phone. A text from Minhyuk flashed onto the screen, asking about his whereabouts— _where are you? I’m already in class. I saved you a seat_ , it read.

“Someone looking for you?” Kihyun asked, raising a brow. Changkyun nodded with a small smile on his lips.

“Yeah, I have to get going, now. I have class,” he said. Then, glancing at the textbooks on Kihyun’s side of the counter, the older man’s brows slightly raised as if he finally realized that he hadn’t rang Changkyun’s purchase through the register yet.

“Your total is ₩600,700. How would you like to pay?” Kihyun told him. Shocked, Changkyun glanced from the screen on the cash register to Kihyun and then pointed to it, hesitating and not sure what to say—the screen clearly read that his total was ₩570,000 but that clearly wasn’t the number that Kihyun read aloud.

Kihyun grinned, “Additional fee the advisory session. You can have the special promotion of paying in installments of coming to visit me at the bookstore, though. Your real total is ₩570,000.”

Relaxing, Changkyun chuckled, shaking his head and digging into his wallet for his debit card in order to pay for his purchase. Kihyun mirrored the expression and tapped a few buttons on the screen before holding out his hand for the payment.

“Debit?” Kihyun asked, glancing at the card and tapping another button on the screen.

“Yes,” he said, handing Kihyun his debit card and smiling. “I appreciate the advisory session, by the way. I’ll make sure to come visit you when I can.”

Kihyun beamed.

 

 

 

The classroom was rather empty when Changkyun made his way into the lecture hall. Minhyuk was extremely easy to find when he was the only other male in the classroom since Changkyun walked in, but it was difficult to get into the row of seats when he was carrying five different heavy textbooks in his arms. Hearing the struggling footsteps of his best friend, Minhyuk turned his head and had the kind heart to get up and help him. Minhyuk helped him with three of the textbooks and a few girls in the back of the room watched them—and from the corner of his eye, Changkyun could see them leaning to whisper into one another’s ears.

“You were getting your textbooks in the middle of the day?” Minhyuk asked him, curiously. Changkyun nodded.

“I had a break,” he replied, “I figured it was enough time to go get my textbooks and come to class, since it’s my last class of the day, anyway.”

“You’re going to have to carry that all home on the subway,” Minhyuk said, frowning. Changkyun shrugged.

“That’s okay,” he said. “I’ll have to do it anyway.”

“Do you need them all today?” he asked, when they sat down in their seats. Minhyuk’s eyes kept themselves at the front of the classroom, making sure their professor didn’t walk into the room mid-conversation—Minhyuk liked diligently taking notes; or at least pretending that he was, before he’d copy off of Changkyun’s notes, _after class._ “I could take them to my locker and leave them there, if you don’t. I can take the car to school tomorrow and then give you a ride home, so you don’t have to carry all of that on the subway.”

Changkyun flashed a grateful smile, “That’s okay. I think I’ll be okay, you don’t have to worry so much, hyung.”

Minhyuk’s fingers gently ran through Changkyun’s ash coloured hair, ruffling it and he flashed a grin.

“I’ll take the car to school, tomorrow,” he said, firmly. There wasn’t any room for argument in his tone and Changkyun stayed hushed. “You’re getting a ride home if you’re taking all of this with you, because I worry about you and your back. You can’t be having back problems when you’re not even twenty-one, yet.”

And before Changkyun could respond, the lecture hall filled itself with students and their professor walked into the front of the room. Minhyuk flashed him a pointed smile, as if telling him that it wasn’t worth arguing, before he opened his notebook and picked up his pen. Changkyun sighed, exasperated at his best friend, opening his laptop and preparing to write down the notes.

(But, he’d later be extremely grateful of Minhyuk’s kindness—he’d hate to break his back trying to carry over thirty pounds of textbooks back home on a long subway ride.)

 

 

 

Changkyun was playing on his PlayStation—a solid hour and a half into quality gameplay (firing missiles at heads and shouting through the voice-chat at his team mates who were most likely twelve and had no clue what they were doing)—when the rapping of knuckles on his front door sounded loudly into the apartment.

His mother had shot him an annoyed glance, because he’d promised her he wasn’t expecting any visitors in the next few hours (which was why he’d put his headset over both of his ears and blocked out any sounds that could have been distracting him from gameplay). But, he had a visitor right when she was about to leave the house and go somewhere with her small _squad of friends_. Changkyun never really asked where his mother went, but considering the bright red lipstick she sported and the dark coloured dresses, he assumed that she was headed to another cocktail party.

The door opened with a click and when Changkyun removed his headphones from his ears, pausing the game, he hadn’t been expecting to see Hyungwon standing in the arched doorway to the living room. Surprised, the younger man raised an eyebrow and lowered the controller—gently placing it onto the ground and turning to face the third-year law student directly. Hyungwon’s arms were crossed, as if he was expecting a formal greeting from Changkyun (and truthfully, it was probably just the intimidation factor that the older man had which made it seem like he demanded respect upon appearance).

“You are such a typical boy,” Hyungwon remarked. “What is that? Modern Warfare?”

Changkyun rolled his eyes, “The original Modern Warfare literally came out in 2007,” he replied, “I really don’t think I’d be playing competitive on a game that was released in 2007.”

Hyungwon mirrored the eye rolling motion, though something about Hyungwon simply made it seem so much more dramatic, “Yes, because I know everything about all of your frames-per-second games.”

“Frames-per-second,” Changkyun repeated in deadpan. “You mean… first person shooter?”

“I don’t know,” he said, running his long fingers through his dark hair. “Minhyuk and Jooheon are always talking about that whole FPS thing.”

Changkyun heaved a suffering sigh, not sparing an explanation of technical terms of games to the law major, “Why are you here, anyway?”

Hyungwon helped himself to a seat on Changkyun’s sofa and the younger man didn’t complain—he was sitting on the floor, and Hyungwon was a guest. There wasn’t a need to complain about a guest seating themselves when he wasn’t using the furniture, anyway. Hyungwon crossed a leg over the other and leaned back with his arms over his chest, typical of his state of intimidation.

“Jooheon is in class,” he remarked, “So, I figured I’d pay you a visit because it’s been days since we gave you advice about crushing on Minhyuk and you haven’t come back to us. So, that’s either because everything worked out perfectly or you haven’t done anything at all. I’m going to bet on the latter.”

“I’m not going to be making any bets with you. You’d end up winning every single one of them, because you always put your bets on the extremely obvious choices,” Changkyun replied, muting his microphone with a pout on his lips. Hyungwon rolled his eyes, again.

“I’m just concerned,” Hyungwon told him, after a moment. “How’s it going?”

Changkyun sighed, leaning back against the coffee table in front of the sofa that Hyungwon was seated on. “What do you mean _‘how’s it going’_? Nothing has changed since the last time I saw you guys.”

“You haven’t even seen him in class?”

“No, of course I see him in class,” he said. “I saw him right after I saw you guys, last time. We had a study session together because he wanted to write his essay for Greek Mythology with me, because he doesn’t pay attention in lecture and he wants to look off of my notes.”

Hyungwon made a face, “I can’t believe you like Jooheon’s brother.”

Changkyun’s cheeks flushed and he grabbed a sofa cushion that was thrown on the floor from his earlier antics of angry gaming and he squeezed it, tightly. “I don’t like Minhyuk,” Changkyun replied, quietly—and it definitely wasn’t as confident as the previous denial of his feelings. In the television’s reflection, he could see Hyungwon raise an eyebrow at him in curiosity.

“You sounded a _lot_ more confident that you didn’t like him the last time you said that,” Hyungwon told him. Changkyun swallowed hard, eyes avoiding Hyungwon’s dark, piercing eyes. “Did something happen?”

Changkyun looked down at his hands and but down on his lower lip, unsure of if he should be telling Hyungwon about all the swirling emotions in his chest that were threatening to spill out, onto the floor and drown Minhyuk. Hyungwon seemed to notice the slight discomfort in Changkyun’s eyes, when the younger man turned to look at him warily—and for a split second, Hyungwon looked a little guilty for coming off a little bit too strong with his inquiries about Changkyun’s love life (or lack thereof).

“You know,” Hyungwon started, slowly, “I know that I haven’t known you for as long as Minhyuk nor Jooheon have known you, but you’re a really good friend to the both of them, and I really do just want to help you. So, did something happen? You don’t _have_ to tell me… I’m not as helpful as Jooheon might be, but I can try.”

Looking down at his hands which no longer had anything to occupy them, since he’d dropped the controller onto the ground and focused his attention onto his guest, Changkyun shifted in his position on the floor. He knew that Hyungwon was just trying to help out, and truthfully, a third-party that didn’t know him since they were practically children was a better opinion—kind of like how Kihyun was a good help to him, because they’d just met.

He supposed that if he could trust Kihyun with all of his problems, then it wouldn’t be harmful at all to trust Hyungwon with his opinions. After all, Hyungwon was dating Jooheon, and they were happy—that clearly meant that Chae Hyungwon was someone who could definitely be trusted. Of course, the reasoning could have been flawed, but Changkyun trusted his childhood friend’s taste more than anything.

It wasn’t that he didn’t _trust_ Hyungwon—it was more that he was so scared that if he told his feelings to someone who was in such _close proximity_ to the object of his affections (which definitely was _not_ Lee Minhyuk), then it might start to feel a little bit too real. And then, he’d never be able to shake off the feelings.

But, it’d been over five years since he began feeling the quiet race of his heart whenever he saw Minhyuk smile. Surely, nothing could make the feelings a little more powerful than they already were. He really had nothing to lose.

So, looking back up, he sighed softly.

“Not really,” he answered, quietly—careful of his words, because he wasn’t sure how much he was willing to share with Hyungwon; not sure of how much of his feelings he was willing to expose to the world. “We just studied together… and then in class, he offered to do really nice things for me, even though I insisted that he didn’t need to, because he didn’t want me to be tired. And it was just, really sweet… but I think I’m just overthinking it all.”

“What do you think you’re overthinking?”

“He offered me a ride home, so I wouldn’t have to carry my textbooks home on the subway,” he said. Hyungwon arched an eyebrow at the younger man.

“That sounds normal to me…”

Changkyun pursed his lips, “He didn’t have the car with him. He said I could keep everything in his locker for the day, and then, he’d take the car to school the next day so that he could drive me back home and drop off my stuff at home. And then, he told me that it was because he cared for me.” He sighed, heavily. “I mean, I know it’s because he’s my best friend and he’s just a caring person in general, but… _do people do that?_ ”

Hyungwon seemed to hesitate at the inquiry and his mouth opened to speak, before he shifted his eyes, changing his mind and retracting whatever he was intending to say. He pressed his lips into a thin line, “That’s… extremely nice of him?”

“I know!” Changkyun answered, sprawling out onto the floor and whining quietly. “I don’t know what to think of it! I don’t usually overthink things, but now, I am and I hate this. I hate feelings, hyung.”

Hyungwon flashed him a pitying look and he frowned, slightly, “Well, I mean, I guess you’re finally admitting that you have feelings for him.”

The ashen haired boy rolled over on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, a look in his eyes that clearly declared that he was contemplating the meaning of life—contemplating what he ever did in his past life to ever deserve developing a stupid crush on Lee Minhyuk in this life.

“I mean, I don’t know how much this helps, but: Jooheon once told me that the best way to a man’s heart is definitely not through sex, but I like to think that Jooheon’s wrong, for once.” Hyungwon said, after a moment.

Changkyun shot up from his position on the floor, fixing his friend with a weird look. Hyungwon blinked, as if he hadn’t said anything wrong at all—and the strangely blatant innocence in his eyes made Changkyun mentally question if the words were weird at all to begin with.

“Are you saying that sex is the way to a man’s heart?” he asked. Hyungwon considered it for a moment, before nodding at him and confirming the words.

“Well, at this age, I certainly think so,” he said. “Especially if said man that you’re trying to capture is someone like Minhyuk. He definitely looks like the type that would be won over like that.”

“But…” Changkyun started, his voice trailing off into a quiet whisper.

A look of realization dawned on Hyungwon’s expression.

“ _Right_ , I forgot that you’re a virgin. _Tsk_ ,” Hyungwon clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, and suddenly, Changkyun felt smaller. “Does Minhyuk know you’re a virgin?”

Changkyun nearly choked at the inquiry and he immediately began to stammer, “I—I don’t know,” he said. Then, after a shy moment of silence, Changkyun cleared his throat, eyes unable to meet with Hyungwon’s (and for some reason, he was barely able to raise his eyes anywhere near the law major’s face).

The heat on his face could hardly begin to grasp the amount of embarrassment he felt pulsing through his body—his heart raced, his cheeks flamed and he felt like he was going to pass out from the embarrassment. Changkyun felt like he was going to die from the way his body was reacting to the immense, overwhelming feeling of _being asked if his best friend—the same best friend that he kind-of-sort-of-not-really had a crush on—knew that he was a virgin, by the boyfriend of said best friend’s little brother (whom he’d also known since he was practically a child)._ It wasn’t every day that the topic of his virginity was a casual subject of conversation.

If the ten-thousandth degree of embarrassment existed, then he was far beyond it.

“Are you—are you suggesting that I… _have sex with Minhyuk hyung?_ ”

Hyungwon frowned, “Okay,” he said. “If you put it that way, I think it sounds a little weird for me to be convincing you to have sex with Minhyuk. I’m not convincing you to have sex with Minhyuk, I’m just saying that he looks like the type of person to be won over by physical affection and well, sex.”

Changkyun’s cheeks were coloured a bright red as he stared down at his hands, wringing them and poking at the spaces between his fingers, awkwardly. The twenty year old computer science student cleared his throat, eyes not daring to raise and meet with Hyungwon’s. He could feel the older man’s gaze on him—somehow, it’s just a little bit nerve-wracking.

“… Is Minhyuk a virgin?” he asked, quietly. Hyungwon made a face, looking at him.

“I don’t know,” Hyungwon replied, the confusion in his voice very obviously evident. “I don’t think I should know. But, if Jooheon isn’t, then I really don’t think Minhyuk would, either.”

Opening his mouth, Changkyun made to ask another question, but he retracted it—’ _do you think Minhyuk would be turned off by the fact that I’m a virgin?’_ Surely, that was a little too much to be asking Hyungwon.

So, reaching out his hand to grab the remote control, Changkyun placed his slender fingers to his forehead and closed his eyes. “Um,” he started, quietly as he turned off his PlayStation and slowly wrapped the cord of the controller around itself, putting it away. “I have some homework to do…”

Hyungwon arched an eyebrow.

“I think I should go to my room and actually do some homework,” he lied. He wouldn’t be doing any of his work, tonight. Not when Hyungwon was making him think about himself and Minhyuk—naked and sweaty on his (or maybe Minhyuk’s) bed. Unfortunately, it was quite the spitting image of _tempting._ Changkyun’s cheeks were flushed a bright red colour when he stood up and brushed his shorts off. “Oh, and wouldn’t Jooheon be out of class, by now? You’ve been here for a while, I think. I’m not coming over to your place, so you’ll have all the time in the world with him. Maybe, you should head home now, hyung.”

The tall brunet eyed him, but didn’t say another word—didn’t ask about Changkyun’s state of mind.

“I’ll see you around, then,” he said. Changkyun nodded insistently, praying to quickly dismiss the older man from the apartment, so that he’d find his peace and quiet—not that Hyungwon was talking at all. It was just his mind screaming at him for thinking about _having sex with his best friend._

Hyungwon warily stepped out of the apartment, and Changkyun waited all but five seconds before rushing to the door and promptly locking the deadbolt shut—he hardly even gave a care to the fact that Hyungwon could _definitely_ hear him act in a panic from barely halfway down the hall. And then, he was with his back against the heavy weight of the door, breathing heavily. Changkyun slid down the door, falling onto his bum and then pulling his knees to himself, burying his face into his knees.

He exhaled loudly.

_Somehow, the thought of having sex with Minhyuk was overwhelming. But, not in any way revolting._

 

The next time he saw Minhyuk was, again, in lecture. True to the promise that he made, Minhyuk took his car to the school—he dangled his keys playfully in front of Changkyun’s face when the younger man sat down in the lecture hall, next to him. Changkyun swatted at the keys, making a face at him. And it was only _sort of_ awkward to look Minhyuk in the face after an entire night of thinking about maybe having sex with him, some day.

(Because that was definitely a completely appropriate thought to have about your best friend.)

Changkyun hadn’t read the material for the lecture—he’d totally forgotten about it, in the midst of his mild panic attack after Hyungwon had dropped by and implanted lewd thoughts about his best friend into his head. So, the majority of the lecture consisted of his pretending to know what the hell the professor was going on about.

(And effectively avoiding Lee Minhyuk’s eyes.)

The reading had been a story—a Greek legend of a boy named Icarus, who fell out of the sky and towards his death, when he failed to heed his father’s instructions to not fly too close to the sun.

Changkyun found himself getting lost in the way the story was retold to the lecture hall in brief snippets, and thorough explanations of each and every passage. He hadn’t the slightest idea if he’d been too into it, or if he’d completely zoned out, but when the class ended, he hardly noticed it. He snapped back into his right mind when Minhyuk stood up and he saw everyone around him moving out of the lecture hall.

Despite paying attention or not, the lesson in the summary stuck with him.

“You look like you have a lot on your mind,” Minhyuk told him with an amused smirk on his lips, when he turned to look at him and Changkyun barely reacted.

Changkyun flashed a smile at him, shaking his head and clearing his mind of thoughts, “It’s just the lesson that the whole story taught,” he replied, biting down on his lip. “It makes you think about everything you decide to do.”

Minhyuk’s mouth curled into an amused grin, “Well, I told you that you’d like this class, didn’t I?”

“I didn’t say that I wouldn’t,” Changkyun answered. Minhyuk chuckled, shaking his head and following the stream of students out of the classroom. Changkyun’s eyes followed Minhyuk’s retreating back, and he took a moment to think, before he trailed after the older man to his car.

Suddenly, he thought of the previous night; thought about everything Hyungwon had (unintentionally) seeded into his mind. And he couldn’t help but think: _just maybe, he shouldn’t be curious._

 

His intentions to not be curious about everything about Lee Minhyuk underneath his clothing didn’t seem to last very long. In the next week, Changkyun caught himself staring at Minhyuk a little longer than he usually did—eyes scanning down the older man’s body and unable to tear them away from him. Surely, that was the worst of the development between them, but Changkyun couldn’t even bring himself to look at Minhyuk without his cheeks flushing bright red, when the older man pulled his sweatshirt off of his body and the t-shirt underneath rode up, just slightly.

“You seem so distracted,” Minhyuk remarked, placing a bag of chips onto the table. “Is there something bothering you, Kyun?”

Changkyun tilted his head, snapping out of his distracted gaze on Minhyuk’s long fingers and he bit down on his lower lip, “Not really.”

“You know that you can’t lie to me, right?” he said, raising an eyebrow and opening the bag of chips to pop one into his mouth. Minhyuk tilted his head, studying the younger man’s expression. “Do you want to talk about it? Tell me anything at all? I want to help, if I can. It makes me sad to see you upset.”

“I’m not upset,” Changkyun replied, “There’s just a bit on my mind.”

“So, then, tell me about it, if you want to.”

And it was somewhat impossible to keep his dignity and tell his best friend that he’d been distracted thinking about falling into bed with him—telling him that he was thinking about doing everything that they really shouldn’t. Not to mention that he definitely didn’t have the guts to do something like that. According to what Hyungwon told him, though, the whole idea of it was definitely not to offer his body to Minhyuk in order to attempt to gain his affection—that was a bad idea, from what he’d gathered from both the tone of Hyungwon’s voice when he’d corrected him, and the cheesy dramas that he’d seen on television. He should _probably_ trust the idea that things that work out in cheesy soap operas would not work out in real life.

And Changkyun couldn’t help but think: _whomever came up with that whole idea that it was easy to fall in love with your best friend was a fucking moron who deserved to be punched in the face, with at least eight fists and maybe a foot—but then, maybe that wasn’t punching anymore_.

Changkyun pulled out a chair, sitting down at the kitchen table across from Minhyuk and pressed his tongue up against the roof of his mouth. Trying to put his words together. Minhyuk waited patiently for him, hand in the bag of chips as he looked directly at the younger man. Unfortunately, there was something about Minhyuk’s gaze that was just a little too intimidating for him to piece his words together.

“Um,” he started, “This might sound weird…”

Minhyuk nodded, chip halfway between his lips and eyes wide in focus, “That’s okay.”

“No, like… _really weird_ ,” he added. Minhyuk chuckled, shaking his head.

“That’s fine,” he replied, turning around to grab a cup from beside the fridge and he filled it with water. Changkyun’s eyes followed the way Minhyuk’s fringe fell into his eyes, but immediately looked away when their eyes met. Minhyuk didn’t seem to notice the sudden jolt of surprise and the panicked look on Changkyun’s face. “Feel free to ask me anything you want to. If I can answer it, I will.”

Swallowing hard, Changkyun lowered his voice, staring straight down at the table and avoiding Minhyuk’s eyes, completely.

“I just wanted to know if you’ve ever had sex,” he said. “Like… are you a virgin?”

Minhyuk immediately choked on the water that he’d just began to drink—the water sprayed across the table and Changkyun winced, hoping that it didn’t get on him. But, his focus was then put on the way his best friend was hacking up a lung at the question. And for a split second, Changkyun felt bad for ever asking him about it. Panicking and standing up, Changkyun reached over the table to pat his best friend’s back.

“Forget I asked,” he managed to stammer, hand awkwardly patting Minhyuk’s back as the brunet coughed loudly into his own fist. “It’s okay, you don’t need to answer me. It’s fine.”

Minhyuk shook his head, eyes red from the force of coughing so much when he looked up, wheezing around his words, “No,” he breathed, coughing another time before straightening up. “It’s okay. I’ve had sex before—I’m not a virgin. Why do you ask?”

Changkyun flushed, taking a step backwards and his hands formed small fists as he tried to put his words together, again. The younger sat back down in his chair. He really hadn’t thought about the possibility that Minhyuk would have actually answered him, so he hadn’t really thought that far—didn’t piece his words together. He fiddled with his fingers, eyes directed into the ground and he swore it’d be better to burn holes into the ground with eyeball lasers and pay for all the damages, than actually talk about this with Minhyuk.

But, he already asked, and he couldn’t take it back.

So, in a very quiet voice, he mumbled, “What was it like?”

Minhyuk hesitated, “It… it was really _nice_ ,” he answered. “… but, why are you curious?”

Biting down on his lower lip, Changkyun shifted his eyes. He really couldn’t bring himself to tell the older man the real reason that he was curious about if he was a virgin or not, but _if he lied to Minhyuk, would it be worth it?_

Swallowing hard around an imaginary lump of nerves in his throat, “I just… I found someone I like,” he started, his voice quiet and seemingly unsure of his own words. They weren’t exactly a lie, but it felt weird saying it to the face of the man who was (still, definitely not) the object of his affection. Minhyuk arched an interested brow at him, but he didn’t say anything more about the matter—the slight arch of his brow made Changkyun think that Minhyuk was silently asking him why he never said anything before. “And I was just thinking that maybe… just maybe, they wouldn’t like someone who is… you know,” he cleared his throat, playing with his fingers and nervously staring at the table, “ _A virgin._ ”

“Oh,” Minhyuk replied, his expression falling with the single word. Minhyuk seemed to quickly gather his thoughts and bring them all together in the form of brows furrowed in disapproval and firm words. “Oh, _oh my god,_ no. Don’t think like that—don’t you dare think like that about yourself. They don’t deserve you if they’re like that, Kyun. _What the hell?_ You’re entirely too precious to be liking someone who wouldn’t like you just because you’re a virgin!”

Changkyun bit down on his lower lip, playing with his fingers. Perhaps, if Minhyuk was telling him this as his friend, then he felt the same way about others—or maybe that was just his hopeful thinking and he’s crush his own heart, later. His heart skipped a beat at Minhyuk’s words, though— _he was too precious to be liking someone who wouldn’t like him for being a virgin? Precious?_ It warmed his heart to hear the words, but he was sure that Minhyuk was just saying it to make him feel better about himself— _that was a best friend’s job, right?_

Somewhere in the middle of his thoughts, Changkyun stopped thinking about all the consequences if he spoke his mind to the older man. Surely, when Kihyun told him to be more honest with himself, it meant that he should be more honest to Minhyuk, as well— _right?_ It seemed that there were so many questions in his head that weren’t being answered.

“You’re just saying that, aren’t you?” Changkyun murmured, placing his hands on the table and flattening his palms out onto the surface with a small frown on his lips. Minhyuk put the glass of water back onto the table, turning to face him and frowning.

“No,” he replied. “I’m definitely not just saying that. That would be the same as saying that I’m just bullshitting you, and I’d never do that, Kyun—you know that.”

The younger man sighed, laying his head onto the table and pursing his lips into a frown, his ashen locks falling across his eyes. “I was just thinking that maybe… I’m a little too old to still be a virgin.”

Minhyuk immediately shook his head, “There’s no such thing as being too old to be a virgin, Kyun.”

“Like,” he continued, “Is being a virgin really _that_ big of a deal? What if I just go out and find some random guy and ask him to take my virginity? I’d stop having to worry about all this stupid stuff, afterwards, right?”

It shocked Changkyun when Minhyuk slammed his hands on the table, with a loud _thud!_ , standing up and looking serious. Changkyun recoiled away from the table, looking up at his best friend with slightly concerned eyes. There was a burn in Minhyuk’s eyes that he’d never quite seen before—for some reason, he looked _angry._

 _“No,”_ he said, firmly. Minhyuk’s dark hair fell into his eyes in a way that made him look almost intimidating (and he’d never considered the possibility that an angry Minhyuk might look _hot,_ before). “I am not going to let you do that. _Absolutely not._ You’re too precious, and I refuse to let you hand yourself over to just anyone! They won’t know how to treat you! What if they hurt you? I can’t let that happen to you! What the _fuck_ , Changkyun?”

Changkyun folded his hands into his lap, unsure of what to say. He stared down into his lap—he really hadn’t thought that Minhyuk would care so much about his virginity. Sure, they were best friends and they’d been the best of friends for years—Minhyuk knew him since they were both still kids—but, he hadn’t thought that Minhyuk had such a protective instinct over him.

“Then,” Changkyun started, swallowing around a lump in his throat. “Then… what about you?”

Minhyuk stared at him, letting the words sink in for a moment. He blinked rapidly, finally snapping out of his angry trance. He pointed to himself, eyes slightly widening in surprise. “Me?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, shyly. He hadn’t the slightest idea of where he’d come up with the courage to say something like this—hadn’t the slightest clue why such an idea came to his mind. And he couldn’t even stop himself from talking. Changkyun wanted to smack himself across the face for letting his mouth simply run off on things he really _shouldn’t_ be saying out loud. Embarrassed, he raised a hand to cover his mouth, muffling his own voice, as he continued to speak; “If… if you think that someone else can’t treat me right for my first time… then, you can, right? What if you do it?”

His best friend’s expression softened, the underlying lace of confusion in his eyes, “… you want _me_ to take your virginity?”

Changkyun’s ears burned a bright red colour when Minhyuk asked for the confirmation—the way that it was worded had his insides burning with embarrassment. He couldn’t believe that he asked of such a thing from his own best friend. Surely, this was some sort of sure-fire method of destroying a friendship. Changkyun looked away from him, unable to say anything in response.

Minhyuk’s long, slender fingers reached forward, running his fingers through Changkyun’s hair and making him look at him. Changkyun could hardly meet his eyes. “Changkyun-ah,” he said, softly. “Do you really want to lose your virginity that badly?”

Biting down on his lower lip, Changkyun nodded quietly. _If it was Minhyuk, it would be okay,_ he told himself.

Minhyuk sighed, softly, “I can, if you want me to.”

 _That wasn’t the answer he was expecting, for sure._ Changkyun’s eyes widened, but he tried to his best to mask up the shock in his eyes—he didn’t need Minhyuk to think that this was all bullshit building up to a compromising situation. All he could manage to do was helplessly nod at him, as if he was entirely sure of the consequences of their situation (he hadn’t the slightest idea of what the consequences would be).

Minhyuk was so soft and caring to him—surely, this wouldn’t be the worst of ideas he’d ever come up with in his years of living, right? It would be the worst, if his relationship with Minhyuk began to fall apart from this point.

Changkyun raised his hand to where Minhyuk’s fingers were still in his hair and he placed his hand atop the older man’s. They were warm against his own and he bit down on his lower lip (he’d been doing that a lot more, recently).

“… When will we…” Changkyun started, quietly—so softly. Minhyuk’s eyes flickered down to meet with his and Changkyun swallowed, hard. “… You know.”

Minhyuk chuckled, softly, “You’re cute,” he replied, before pursing his lips. Changkyun’s cheeks flushed at the comment (if not already because of the embarrassment threatening to be swallowing him alive). “… well, my parents are both going to be out of town, next weekend, starting Friday afternoon. I’m going to assume that your mother doesn’t have any plans to leave the house, next weekend and that… we should do it here?”

Changkyun nodded quietly, “That’s a good idea,” he answered. “… Would I just… come here after class?”

“I can wait for you,” Minhyuk said, seemingly composed. Changkyun could hardly understand why he was so well put together when they were talking about _something like this._ “We can go back to my place, together.”

They didn’t have class together on Fridays, but Minhyuk finished his classes before Changkyun did. The visual image in his head of Minhyuk waiting for him outside of his classroom for an arrangement to go back to his place and _have sex_ was nerve-wracking.

He nodded, silently. Minhyuk ruffled his hair, gently.

It felt so strange to be talking about losing his virginity in such a casual manner—arranging appointments and discussing everything out in detail. But, he let Minhyuk take control in the discussion, simply agreeing with the date and time—he’d stay with Minhyuk over the weekend; tell his mother that they had an assignment in their Greek Mythology course.

And when he left his best friend’s house, he felt oddly light-headed. But, in all rationality, anyone would be nervous if they were leaving their best friend’s house with a promise that they’d be losing their virginity to said best friend, next week. _It definitely wasn’t only Changkyun feeling the pressure of the situation._

 

A second-year university student that would soon be in crippling debt from student loans should not be investing in lubricants and condoms. That was the only thing running through Changkyun’s head when he was walking down the aisles of the drugstore. He’d had a long, mental debate about where he was supposed to go in order to purchase everything. Minhyuk told him that he really didn’t need to bring anything with him, because Minhyuk had everything under control, but he felt bad for asking the older man to take his virginity _and_ use his stuff. It could have been worse, but Changkyun certainly didn’t want it to be any worse.

He needed to pull a beanie over his head, because his ashen locks seemed to stand out in the store. He was the only person with light hair in the store, and he couldn’t help but curse his past self for deciding that it was a good look (additionally cursing Jooheon for being the one to convince him that it would look good). It did look good, but he didn’t want to stand out in moments like this—moments like this being the way he was awkwardly browsing the aisles and trying his best to avoid catching the attention of any of the employees, who may or may not discover that he was a virgin who had only the slightest idea of what he was looking for.

He had half the mind to pull his phone out of his pocket and text Minhyuk, but perhaps, asking someone about which type of condom he was supposed to get was _a little too risqué._ And it dawned on him that _maybe_ , he really should have just left this part to Minhyuk—save himself the embarrassment of being in a drugstore that he was sure his classmates wouldn’t frequent.

Exhaling, Changkyun pulled his phone out of his pocket and swiped over to his conversation with Jooheon, quickly conjuring a message and hitting send before he could change his mind and leave the store.

 _[To: Lee Jooheon (17:31)]_ Jooheon, I need help.

 _[To: Lee Jooheon (17:32)]_ Is there some sort of standard for buying condoms? Like, how do you know which ones to get?

Jooheon replied to his text almost immediately, and despite Changkyun having hoped that he would, the notification sound startled him. Changkyun almost visibly jumped, and he quickly looked around the store to make sure he hadn’t caught anyone’s attention with the sound.

When he confirmed that he was in the clear, Changkyun unlocked his phone to check the incoming text message from his best friend’s little brother.

 _[From: Lee Jooheon (17:35)]_ Are you getting laid?

Changkyun rolled his eyes, ignoring his own flushed cheeks, about to respond to the text, but his phone chimed with another notification. Jolting again in surprise, Changkyun scrambled to mute his phone’s sound.

 _[From: Lee Jooheon (17:36)]_ Actually, please don’t answer that. I don’t really want to know the answer to that.

The ashen haired man shook his phone, as if it would send an annoyed signal to Jooheon. In times like this, Changkyun wished Jooheon would make his life a hundred times easier and just send all of his messages in one big paragraph, rather than tiny little bursts of questions and associated information. It would be less nerve-wracking, but he supposed the brothers really did have to have something in common: they both kept him on edge, and for two entirely different reasons.

 _[From: Lee Jooheon (17:39)]_ They stretch, you know? They’re really stretchy. I can shove my entire foot into a regular sized condom. It can work like a sock, if you’re short on socks. But, no, really, I think you can get away with buying anything. It depends on what you think might be best.

“I don’t know what’s best,” he murmured, frustrated at himself. He made to send another text to Jooheon, but he was interrupted by another notification, a large grey bubble popping onto his screen filled with text. He held down into the backspace key, deleting his message, before scanning his eyes across what Jooheon had sent to him.

 _[From: Lee Jooheon (17:41)]_ But, the flavoured ones tend to break really easily. I don’t recommend them, really. And if you’re hooking up with someone delicate, I don’t think you should get the ribbed ones, either—I’ve been told they hurt, sometimes. Or maybe, Hyungwon is just really delicate.

Changkyun made a disgusted face. _The thought of Hyungwon and Jooheon having sex_ —

Changkyun’s phone vibrated again.

 _[From: Lee Jooheon (17:41)]_ Be safe. Practice safe sex. :) Love you.

With his eyes quickly scanning through Jooheon’s text message, Changkyun took a deep breath. He reached for a box on the shelf, quickly lowering it to his side and grabbing a box of tissues and a pack of lip balms—hopefully, it’d make it look less like he was in the store just to buy things for a hookup and more like he was running errands for _many_ people.

 

 

 

The morning of their designated appointment date had Changkyun nervous beyond belief. His lecture notes were taken with a mind filled with wonders and every single one of his nerves skyrocketing. It seemed that no one noticed the way he was jittery all day—even when his professor asked him a simple question that had him stammering for several seconds. That was far from the behaviour of a star student who sat in the front row of every single class without fail.

Luckily, his classes ended early for the day, but at the same time, Changkyun’s nerves couldn’t help but have him wishing that his classes would drag on. Not because he didn’t _want_ to go home with Minhyuk and do _unspeakable things_ , but rather because he wasn’t sure how their relationship would change, after this. _How would be they towards one another, if they finally kissed? What would happen to his feelings? Would they get worse? Would he finally realize that maybe this infatuation with Minhyuk wasn’t anything special at all?_ It was hard to say, but surely, feelings that have been lingering for the past five years couldn’t possibly vanish that quickly—or so, Changkyun hoped somewhere in the back of his mind.

The clock ticked down to two o’clock, and as soon as his professor dismissed them, Changkyun felt the burning need to smash his head into the desk, rather than get up and leave the classroom to face Minhyuk, who would definitely be waiting for him outside of the room. But, as the line of students filed out of the room, Changkyun forced himself to stand up and gather his things.

Surely enough, Minhyuk was waiting for him. He couldn’t recall the older man’s schedule for the day, but he only carried a light bag with him—slung over his shoulder, lazily. Minhyuk’s dark hair was pushed up and out of his eyes, today, and he was dressed up in a button-down and slacks—his tie was undone and hanging from his neck. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was leaning against the wall, eyes shut as if he were trying to fall asleep standing in the middle of the hallway.

He definitely wouldn’t put it past Minhyuk to be able to fall asleep in the middle of a bustling hallway.

Steeling his nerves and taking a deep breath, Changkyun approached his best friend, standing in front of him in the middle of the hallway. He looked the older man up and down, before daring to open his mouth and speak.

“Why do you look so dressy, today?” Changkyun asked, quietly, playing with the strap of his backpack. Minhyuk opened his eyes, flashing a small smile at him—a silent greeting to the younger man.

“I had a presentation,” Minhyuk replied, tugging at the already loosened tie around his neck. “But, you know, when I signed up to be an Engineering major, I really didn’t think that I would have to be doing any presentations.”

Changkyun managed a smile, talking to Minhyuk normally bringing his nerves down. “I think every degree at this school requires some sort of presentation, sometime in the degree. And considering you’re in your fourth year…”

Minhyuk rolled his eyes, uncrossing his arms and swatting at him blindly, “Don’t you logic me.”

Changkyun couldn’t help but bite back a laugh at the remark. And then, Minhyuk pushed himself off of the wall, motioning for Changkyun to follow him.

“Anyway,” he said, “We’re headed to my place, right?”

And then, reality smashed back down on him. The nerves were suddenly back and threatening to squeeze him. He cleared his throat, nodding at his best friend with a nervous smile on his lips.

“Yeah,” he answered. “We are.”

 

 

 

The drive back to Minhyuk’s place was quiet. They didn’t talk over the sound of radio playing and he couldn’t tell if Minhyuk was nervous, too. The older man was usually a lot chattier—it made him think that _maybe_ this was something that Minhyuk felt like he was going to regret. But, he sincerely hoped that it wasn’t the case.

When Minhyuk dropped his backpack onto the floor by the doorway and took his shoes off, Changkyun stood awkwardly for a moment, before he followed the older man’s actions—slipping out of his jacket and hanging it onto the coat rack. He’d been over at Minhyuk’s place many, many times—he shouldn’t be so nervous, just because they had something planned that was _a little_ out of the ordinary. _Or at least, that was what he tried to convince himself._

Minhyuk peeked into the kitchen, while Changkyun took off his shoes.

The younger man looked up at him like a deer in headlights, the movement catching him by surprise: “Your parents aren’t home, right?” Minhyuk nodded in response to the question, turning to look at him with a slight frown on his lips. Changkyun clasped his hands together, staring at the older man, nervously.

“Yeah,” he replied. “I told you that they went on a business trip. I was just making sure they’d already left.”

Minhyuk hung his keys up on the hooks to the side of the doorway and motioning to the stairs, before looking back to Changkyun. “Do you want to go to my room, or do you want to grab a snack and chill for a bit?”

Changkyun swallowed—grabbing a snack and chilling sounded nice, but that meant that they were going to be prolonging the inevitable. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could sit in a room with Minhyuk, stare at his face and not think about how much he wanted to lean over and kiss him without making it seem weird.

So, in a quiet voice, he spoke, “Let’s just go to your room.”

Watching Minhyuk’s retreating back head up the stairs, Changkyun could only pray that he didn’t sound desperate and too eager for all of this.

 

 

 

When Minhyuk closed the door behind them, Changkyun felt his nervousness all shoot up to his throat, making him feel like he couldn’t breathe around it. The sound of the door locking behind them only made it a little bit worse—they were alone, but the sound of the locking door made it seem so much more like they were doing that they shouldn’t be doing. He was being dramatic and he knew it, but he was the one who told Minhyuk that his virginity really wasn’t a big deal to him, at all. So, why was he freaking out, now?

“Hey,” Minhyuk called, tugging onto his wrist and pulling him towards himself with a comforting smile on his lips. Minhyuk’s hands were warm around his wrists—almost hot, or perhaps that was just Changkyun’s nerves heightening all of his senses. “You look like you’re really nervous.”

Changkyun exhaled, softly, “I am,” he admitted, nodding his head. “I don’t know what to do.”

“We don’t have to do this, you know,” Minhyuk told him, voice soft and steady. The younger man immediately shook his head, eyes wide with obvious disapproval at the remark—he’d practically waited all week for this moment, and even if he felt like this was going to be a mistake, he definitely wanted it. Minhyuk blinked at him.

“No,” he replied, quietly, “I want to do this. I asked you to do this for me, and I still want you to do it.”

“Look at me, Kyun,” Minhyuk said, gently. His slender fingers came up to tilt Changkyun’s face, making him look at him, again. Changkyun nodded, eyes moving to look at the older man, as he was instructed. “If you really want me to do this, I promise I’ll be gentle with you. But, I want you to be sure that you want this to be me.”

Changkyun swallowed. Minhyuk had always been so gentle with him, but somewhere amidst the nerves, Minhyuk’s tender care made butterflies escape into his stomach. He was sure he wouldn’t be this nervous if it wasn’t Minhyuk—but, he didn’t want it to be any but Minhyuk. Simply, because this might be his only chance to feel loved by the sole object of all of his silly affections—as sad as it might sound.

“I want it to be you,” Changkyun told him, firmly. He was confident in his words for the first time since he’d set foot into Minhyuk’s bedroom for the day. Studying his expression for a moment, the older man pursed his lips, before exhaling softly—it sounded like he too was gathering all of his nerves.

Minhyuk wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him a little closer to himself.

“Then, may I kiss you?”

With his heart pounding in his chest, Changkyun nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. He could hear Minhyuk chuckling softly, before his fingertips brushed Changkyun’s hair out of his face. “Relax a little bit, it’s just me,” he heard the older man whisper. And that was exactly why Changkyun was so nervous.

He managed to calm himself down, before Minhyuk tilted his head up and gently pressed their lips together.

The very second that their lips met in a kiss, it felt like an explosion of fireworks in his head, chest and stomach. All his senses suddenly felt so alive, when Minhyuk kissed him. Falling into the kiss, Changkyun naturally moved his arms to wrap around the taller man’s neck, pressing his own body closer to him. Something about kissing Minhyuk felt so right. (And he could only hope that, somewhere in the back of Minhyuk’s head, the older man felt the same way—no matter how foolish his hopes were.)

The way the older man’s arms wrapped around him and it made him feel safe; like he didn’t need to worry about the world around them, like everything was going to be fine even after they did this. Something like a promise that no matter what they did now, there wouldn’t be any consequences in the future. He knew as a fact that it wasn’t going to work out like that, but he supposed that for the moment, he could just pretend that everything was going to be okay—he could just forget about all of the consequences of having sex with his best friend.

Changkyun melted slowly into it all—the way Minhyuk’s hands slowly slid down his back, closely tracing the smooth curve and then slipping underneath his shirt. Minhyuk’s warm hands against his bare skin had his heart racing in his chest and sparks of heat shooting through his body in small bursts.

It felt like something he’d never get tired of: kissing Minhyuk. He found himself drowning in the kisses—the soft brush of their lips against one another, and then the quiet groans leaving Minhyuk’s lips when he slightly pulled away. To Changkyun, the best part was the way Minhyuk eagerly leaned back to press their lips back together, his tongue sliding across the seam of Changkyun’s lips, coaxing his mouth open.

They backed towards Minhyuk’s bed without Changkyun even noticing that they’d moved, until the back of his knees found themselves hitting against the mattress. A soft sound of surprise left the younger man’s lips and Minhyuk pulled away from the kiss, eyes slowly opening—long lashes seemingly enchanting as he fixed his gaze on Changkyun—and then, the older man bit back a soft chuckle of amusement.

“May I take your shirt off?” Minhyuk asked him, voice low. The sound of his voice practically echoed in Changkyun’s ears and Changkyun shivered at the sound before nodding, silently.

Slender fingers made quick work of slipping under Changkyun’s shirt and tugging it gently off of his body. The older man took obvious care in every little thing he did to Changkyun. Pushing him backwards onto the bed, Changkyun fell back, bracing himself with his hands on the bed—his eyes reflecting a dazed glow as he looked up at the older man. Minhyuk unbuttoned his button-down, shrugging it off of his shoulders. Changkyun took a breath.

“I want you to tell me, if I do something that you don’t like, okay?” Minhyuk told him, softly. He rested a knee onto the bed, arms bracing his own weight as he hovered over Changkyun’s body. Again, it had Changkyun’s heart pounding in his ears—the effect Minhyuk had over him was entirely unfair, he swore. “Tell me to stop something, and I will. And it’s okay to tell me if you want me to keep doing something.”

Biting down on his lower lip, Changkyun nodded, silently telling the older man that he understood the instructions. Minhyuk bit back a small smile and he raised a hand to gently cup Changkyun’s cheek. His fingers were warm and it warmed Changkyun’s body—finding something in buried deep in Changkyun’s chest and lighting it afire.

“Use your voice,” he said, voice so gently and barely a whisper, “You’re not talking at all and it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.”

Changkyun immediately shook his head, “No!” he said, a little too loudly; a little too eager. Minhyuk’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but then he was looking at the younger man with softer eyes, again. Changkyun attempted to amend his words with a shy murmur, “It’s just… no, you’re… you’re fine. Everything is fine—everything is really good, so far.”

And Changkyun hoped he wasn’t mistaken when he looked into Minhyuk’s eyes and the older man’s gaze seemed to glow with a soft endearment, before he leaned forward to press another kiss to the younger man’s lips. This time, it was gentle and chaste—it had Changkyun’s heart fluttering in his chest.

“I’m glad,” Minhyuk told him, before running his fingers down the front of the younger man’s naked torso. Changkyun shivered at the touch, but before he could say anything, Minhyuk drew a soft whimper from his lips when the older man leaned forward, pressing soft, parted lips against his neck. The unfamiliar sensation had him feeling shock waves down his body; had him feeling his cock grow harder in his pants. “Will you let me leave a mark on you?”

He nodded, fingers curling into little fists on either side of his head. Minhyuk chuckled, noticing the way that he tried so hard to keep his hands to himself, “You can put your hands on me, if you want to, Kyun. It works better when it’s a two-way street.”

“But, I don’t know what to do,” he replied, quietly. Minhyuk raised his head from where it was buried into Changkyun’s neck; his eyes were dark and alluring when he made eye contact with the younger man. It had Changkyun’s breath catching in the back of his throat.

“That’s okay,” Minhyuk told him, eyes running across the younger man’s expression, “Do what you feel like doing. I’ll tell you to stop, if it’s something I don’t like. Just like how I asked you to tell me. Ask me if you’re not sure,” he added. “I’ll teach you everything I know.”

Nodding, he immediately took the permission, running his fingers into Minhyuk’s hair when the older man’s lips gently brushed against the soft skin of his neck again, tongue running across the expanse of skin and then he was suckling gently onto it. Changkyun bit down onto his lower lip, failing to muffle the moan which threatened to leave his mouth; his fingers instinctively tightened into the older man’s hair, subconsciously pulling at it. He’d been prepared to apologize for it, when he realized what he’d done, but the older man didn’t seem to hate it, at all. Minhyuk groaned quietly in response, hand gently tilting Changkyun’s head back and nibbling at the flesh.

When Minhyuk pulled away from him, he could see the traces of a small smirk on the older man’s face, as if he was proud of his work—Changkyun couldn’t even start to imagine what Minhyuk was doing to him. All he really cared about was the heated sensations that were shooting down his body and filling him with what he was sure was more than just pleasure.

Slender fingers ran across his chest, Minhyuk’s warm hands brushing across the peaks of his nipples. Changkyun gasped softly and Minhyuk leaned down to capture the sound in his mouth, an open-mouthed kiss drawing his attention away from the touch for a brief second. Changkyun’s body arched into the way the older man’s hands ran across him.

The dark-haired man slid an arm underneath him, wrapping his arms around him, pulling him up into his lap, arms still kept wrapped tightly around his body. Minhyuk busied himself with scattering soft kisses across Changkyun’s body, again. The younger man let himself drown in the feeling of affection burning in his chest, along with the scattered kisses.

Minhyuk’s voice drew him out of his little trance, low and raspy.

“Can I take this off of you?” Minhyuk asked, running his slender fingers across the waistband of Changkyun’s jeans, large hands moving to grab the flesh of Changkyun’s covered ass. The younger man buried his face into Minhyuk’s neck, biting down on his lip and nodding.

“Yes,” he murmured, quietly. “Please do.”

When Minhyuk’s hands moved to unzip his jeans and the button, his deft fingers worked quickly, as if he’d done this so many times before. Somewhere in the back of Changkyun’s mind, he couldn’t help but think of how many people Minhyuk might have undressed before—couldn’t help but wonder if Minhyuk would forget all about it, after they were done with all of this. But, he forced himself to push the thoughts out of his mind— _for now, Minhyuk was his._

The older man pushed him back onto the bed again, his body falling back into the soft sheets, ivory cloth pooling around his body like a halo. The sound of heavy fabric falling to the ground accompanied the rush of cool air over his body when the clothing was stripped from his body. It didn’t last very long, because Minhyuk’s hands were on him again, burning touches moving across bare skin all over again. Changkyun shivered upon the touch, the contrast of ice and fire making his head spin.

Minhyuk took a moment to sit back and run his eyes across the younger man’s body. Changkyun suddenly felt like his body was too much on display for Minhyuk—it made him feel shy. His hands raised to cover himself, but Minhyuk gently wrapped his fingers around the younger man’s wrists and tugged them away for a moment.

“No,” he said, softly. “Don’t cover yourself up. Let me see you.”

Changkyun’s cheeks flushed when they made eye contact once more, his hands relaxing and letting Minhyuk pull them away from covering his body up. For some reason, this felt different from every other time that he was stripped down to just his shorts, in front of his best friend. Perhaps, it was because he knew that this one time was entirely different in every way—every other time that he was barely clothed in front of Minhyuk didn’t involve the pending of everything _dirty._

Meeting the older man’s eyes again, he caught the way that Minhyuk ran his tongue over his lips and Changkyun could feel the heat rising in his body again. It was flustering to see Minhyuk look at him in such a way, but a small part of him couldn’t help but feel proud that he had Minhyuk in such a state without doing very much at all. Surely, it counted for something, right?

He’d been expecting it, but when it happened, it still shot sparks through his body—the way Minhyuk’s hand moved to rest above the tent in his boxers, pressing into his erection, before slowly massaging it with his hand. Changkyun couldn’t hold back the moan—head falling back and his hands gripping into the sheets beside his body—his lips parted and the moan that left his mouth was low. It drew a smirk from Minhyuk’s lips and Changkyun felt so _shy_ for being so vocal with his reactions.

Minhyuk was careful when he slipped his hand into Changkyun’s underwear, wrapping his long fingers around the younger man’s cock. Changkyun bit down on his lower lip, harshly. Experienced hands jerked him, slowly. Changkyun had done this alone, several times before, but somehow, it was so much different when it was someone else stroking his cock. The ashen haired man’s fingers tightened their grip into the sheets, knuckles turning white as his hips arched to meet with each stroke.

 _“Oh my god,”_ he hissed between gritted teeth. Minhyuk’s soft chuckle followed the murmur.

“Does that feel good?” Minhyuk asked, the smirk obvious in his voice. Changkyun nodded, feeling too embarrassed to confirm Minhyuk’s inquiry aloud. The older man’s eyes seemed to glow with a tender affection as he continued to stroke Changkyun’s cock.

Body tensing and arching into Minhyuk’s touches as his breath was dragged away from him in quiet moans, Changkyun could feel heat pooling into the pit of his stomach. The older man seemed to catch onto it and his hand began to quickly stroke him with a flick of his wrist, making Changkyun’s head spin with pleasure. It was very clear to Changkyun that the older man had plenty of experience in this—it soothed a part of his mind to know that his best friend wouldn’t judge him

“May I take this off of you, too?” Minhyuk asked, his free hand lazily toying with the waistband of the younger man’s underwear. Again, the sound of Minhyuk’s voice slowly pulled him away from his pleasured trance—the power Minhyuk had over him would never fail to amaze him.

This time, Changkyun couldn’t help the eagerness in the way he nodded his head when Minhyuk asked. Another soft, low chuckle left his lips, and then his hands were tugging his underwear off of his body. Minhyuk’s hand stayed wrapped around his dick when he stripped him, but he stopped jerking his hand to take in the sight before him—Changkyun lying naked beneath him, cheeks flushed red and eyes glassy with heated lust. To Minhyuk, it was breathtaking, to say the least.

Nudging his legs apart, Minhyuk leaned down to scatter kisses down the inside of his thigh. Changkyun held his breath as Minhyuk slowly moved closer to his erection.

“Holy _fuck_ ,” Changkyun gasped, when the heat of Minhyuk’s mouth finally enveloped his cock. The older man smirked around his dick, running his tongue across the head, fingers prettily wrapped around his erection and looking up at him from under dark lashes. Changkyun groaned, thighs instinctively parting to make room for the older man to fit between his legs.

It was a different feeling—completely different from late nights where he jerked himself off; completely different from the way Minhyuk stroked him slowly with a steady hand. Minhyuk’s mouth was hot and wet around him and it had him feeling all sorts of things, all at once. It made his head spin and he grabbed into the sheets, forcing himself from reaching his hands forward and pushing Minhyuk’s head down onto himself; failing to keep himself from involuntarily thrusting his hips into the older man’s mouth.

And when Minhyuk pulled off of his cock, Changkyun indignantly whined at him. Minhyuk’s quiet laugh felt like a rumble in his ears. The younger man opened his eyes, looking up at him with a pleading glow reflecting in dark irises. Minhyuk pressed another kiss to the inside of his thigh.

“I want you to get on your knees for me,” Minhyuk told him, gently. “Can you do that for me?”

Changkyun hesitated, looking at him with wide eyes, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to put my fingers in you. I’m going to finger you,” he replied. “Will you let me do that?”

Doubtfully, Changkyun glanced at Minhyuk’s hand; long, slender fingers and a wide palm—it seemed doubtful, but Changkyun was sure that Minhyuk knew what he was doing. He nodded his head, a little unsure of his decision. Minhyuk leaned down, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips, easily catching onto the way he was hesitant to give permission to the older man’s proposal.

“This is your first time,” Minhyuk told him, softly. Minhyuk’s voice alone triggered a calming effect in his mind. “I won’t do anything that I don’t think you’ll like. It might hurt, at first. But, I promise it’ll feel good, after.”

Body tense, Changkyun’s eyes, still glassy with pleasure and lust, looked up at him. Minhyuk ran a soothing hand down Changkyun’s arm and the dark-haired man flashed him a small, reassuring smile, “Or we can stop here, if you want to. We don’t have to do anything more, if you don’t want to. I can suck you off, and then we can call it a day.”

Changkyun immediately shook his head at the suggestion of stopping where they were.

“You may,” he said, quietly. Minhyuk looked up at him, and Changkyun’s cheeks flushed with a bright pink shade before he lowered his eyes, looking so innocent beneath his long lashes. “Finger me, that is.”

It was almost like Minhyuk wasn’t expecting for the permission to be given to him, because Minhyuk seemed to hesitate, this time, unsure of whether or not the permission Changkyun was giving him was sincere. But, when the younger man pursed his lips into a little pout, Minhyuk made up his mind.

Changkyun wanted to be touched, and he’d give that to him—if he was ravishing his best friend and taking his virginity, then he, at the very least, owed him everything he wanted him to do. Minhyuk took a breath.

“I’ll go slowly, for you,” Minhyuk added, voice reassuring.

Changkyun nodded at him, turning over and getting on his hands and knees for the older man. Being unable to see what Minhyuk was doing behind him was oddly nerve-wracking. But, with everything he had, he trusted his best friend, no matter what they were doing. But, despite that, he held his breath, body tensing.

Minhyuk rubbed a comforting hand against his ass, massaging the flesh of his cheek. The older man reached past Changkyun’s body, opening the drawer of his nightstand and grabbed a small bottle from the drawer. Changkyun turned his head curiously to look at the item in the older man’s hand.

It came as a surprise to him when Minhyuk’s dry fingertips brushed against his tight ring of muscles. The unfamiliar feeling had his mind reeling and his body jolting forward in sudden shock.

 _“Oh!”_ he gasped. Minhyuk chuckled softly.

“You’re so cute,” the dark-haired man murmured, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss behind Changkyun’s ear. The flush on Changkyun’s cheeks was unfading, even when Minhyuk pulled his fingers away from his entrance and kneaded his ass. Changkyun’s fingers relaxed, the grip on the sheets releasing itself, when Minhyuk’s hands soothingly rubbed the supple skin.

There was the quiet sound of the cap of the bottle of lubrication clicking open and Changkyun closed his eyes, bracing himself for what was to come. Minhyuk’s hand remained rested on him, even as he spread the cool liquid of the lubrication across the tips of his pointer and middle fingers, down to his thumb.

“This will be cold,” Minhyuk whispered, voice warm and low, sending butterflies spiraling from out of Changkyun’s stomach and up into his chest, spreading heat across his body.

He couldn’t help the surprised squeak that left his lips, when he felt the cold lubrication slowly trickle onto his body, sliding between his ass cheeks. Then, Minhyuk’s thumb was gently massaging the liquid into his hole, teasing the entrance and prodding at the ring of muscles. Changkyun’s fingers curled back around the sheets and he tightened his grip around the white fabric in a helpless attempt to calm himself down.

Kneading Changkyun’s plush cheek with his left hand, Minhyuk moved his right hand away from the younger man’s asshole, pressing his left thumb against the lubricated hole, pushing gently into it. Changkyun winced, his voice leaving his lips in a broken moan. It had the dark-haired man licking his lips before he continued.

Minhyuk’s hand squeezed his ass, gently pulling his cheeks apart to rub against his hole. The older man moved to sit up straight, on his knees and behind Changkyun. Again, he licked his lips at the sight of the younger man’s virgin hole. _Pretty and tempting—_ but, he knew he had to be gentle with Changkyun; the younger man was fragile.

Teasing the ash-haired man’s entrance, Minhyuk’s finger pushed against the ring of muscles, brushing against it and then back to nudge the tip of his thumb into his hole. In response, Changkyun whimpered, breathlessly into the pillow, fingers gripping back into the sheets.

“I’m going to put my finger in you, now, is that okay?” Minhyuk told him.

Changkyun nodded, the movement of his head barely visible, but his response also came as a quiet hum of approval.

Turning his hand, palm facing upwards, Minhyuk prodded the tip of his middle finger against the younger man’s lubricated hole, slowly pushing it into Changkyun’s hole. Changkyun managed to bear through an inch of the older man’s finger sliding into him, before a cry of pain escaped from his mouth. With his mouth falling open, a quiet sob left the younger man’s lips before he buried his face into the pillow, grabbing onto the edges of the pillowcase in an attempt to muffle himself. Minhyuk immediately stopped.

“Does it hurt, baby?” Minhyuk asked him, quick to lean forward and be next to Changkyun, quietly—a gentle whisper in his ear as his other hand gently rubbed soothing circles into his hip. The sudden light of affection in his stomach burned at the term of endearment, but it didn’t stop the pain pulsing through his body—pleasant surprise licking at him like gentle flames. Changkyun whimpered, a quiet, pitiful sound, nodding his head and holding back the tears. “Do you want me to stop?”

The younger man shook his head, wiping his tears roughly on the sheets beneath him. The concern in Minhyuk’s voice had him feeling a myriad of emotions, bursting in his chest. _“N-no,”_ he bit out. “You promised it would feel good, later,” Changkyun managed to tell him.

Minhyuk exhaled softly, giving into the way Changkyun sounded so fragile and _trusting_. He promised the younger man that he would make him _feel good_ and he wasn’t about to go back on his word, now. Minhyuk’s middle finger pushed itself a little deeper into the younger man, listening to the harsh exhale from the younger man’s lips.

“Relax a little bit,” he whispered, softly. “It’ll hurt less, if you relax for me.”

His hand moved from where it was drawing soothing circles into the curve of Changkyun’s hips to slip underneath him and wrap around his cock, attempting to keep his mind off the pain of Minhyuk’s finger inside of him. Changkyun moaned into the pillow, burying his face into it and squirming into the sheets. And if Changkyun wasn’t in pain, then Minhyuk might have thought it was the most endearing thing in the world.

Nodding, the younger man took a deep breath before biting down on his lower lip and trying to relax his body. His focus easily moved from the pain to the pleasure enveloping him, the same way that Minhyuk’s hand wrapped around his cock and began to stroke him with quick motions. With his finger pushed halfway into Changkyun’s tight hole, the older man stilled his hand and kept his finger inside the younger man.

“Is this okay?” he asked, lips brushing against Changkyun’s ear. Changkyun squirmed underneath him, trying to get used to the feeling. He panted softly, as Minhyuk’s hand continued to pump his cock with a steady motion. “Can I move my finger, baby? Is that okay?”

Again, there was that burst of affection in his chest that burned when Minhyuk called him _‘baby’_. Changkyun took a breath, nodding his head, ash locks spreading into a messy halo around his head.

“Yes,” he breathed, “I think so. I’m okay.”

Slowly, Minhyuk pushed his finger a little deeper into Changkyun, moving his other hand from where it was wrapped around the ash-haired man’s cock to carefully hold onto his waist. Changkyun exhaled softly, face still buried into the pillow, but he took the pain easier. Minhyuk began to pump the single digit in and out of Changkyun, listening to the way that quiet whimpers began to turn into soft moans. The adjustment to the stretch came quicker when Minhyuk was pumping his finger into him. Changkyun subconsciously pushed his hips back against the older man’s hand, a quiet groan escaping his throat.

“You’re doing so well,” Minhyuk praised, voice an alluring croon that had butterflies exploding in Changkyun’s stomach again—it made him want to hear the praise, again. “Look at how well you’re doing.”

The slide became easier with every push of his finger; Changkyun fell deeper into a whirlwind of pleasure with every thrust of his single digit. Minhyuk’s mouth felt dry as he listened to the younger man moaning beneath him, letting him work into his body—letting him pleasure him—with long, slender fingers.

And the feeling of Minhyuk’s index finger sliding up next to his middle finger had Changkyun moving into the touch, rather than edging away and whimpering. Carefully, Minhyuk worked the second digit into the younger man’s body, letting himself relish in the way Changkyun’s breath hitched at the back of his throat, followed by a broken, stuttered moan that sounded suspiciously like Minhyuk’s name.

Minhyuk’s eyes remained glued to the way that Changkyun’s hole took to the fingers pushing into him; the way they disappeared into his body and drew a lewd moan from the younger man, the way they withdrew and had Changkyun mewling softly along with it.

The dark-haired man grit his teeth with a quiet grunt, _“Shit,”_ he swore, the sound of his voice barely a murmur—as if it was something he’d meant to be thinking, rather than saying aloud. “I shouldn’t be liking this so much.”

Unable to properly respond with Minhyuk’s two fingers slipping in and out of him (unable to tell the older man that it was _okay_ to like it so much, because it meant they were both the same way), Changkyun bit down onto the cushion in front of him, a soft whimper leaving his lips, followed by a string of moans. He pushed his hips back against the older man’s hand, wanting to feel Minhyuk deeper inside of him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he scolded himself; he felt dirty, but Minhyuk made him feel _so good._

Suddenly, Minhyuk pulled his fingers out of Changkyun’s body, a lewd slick sound following the motion. Changkyun whined in disapproval at the sudden emptiness he felt, but it didn’t last long. There was the sound of shuffling from behind him and then, he felt something wet and soft pushing against his asshole—it immediately drew a loud moan from his lips, his hips involuntarily pushing back against it.

It took him a moment to register: _Minhyuk’s tongue._

The older man’s hands grabbed at his ass cheeks, spreading them apart as he lazily flicked his tongue against Changkyun’s entrance. Listening to the way Changkyun broke down into soft mewls and breathless moans (higher pitched mewls and low groans driving Minhyuk insane with every breath), Minhyuk found himself unable to help himself. The dark-haired man pulled Changkyun closer to himself, pushing his tongue into the younger man’s asshole, slowly fucking into him with his tongue.

Changkyun found his words, somewhere amidst the helpless moaning from the way Minhyuk’s tongue fucked into him and the way his erection was brushing against the soft material beneath them.

 _“Hyung,”_ Changkyun moaned, clawing at the sheets beneath him and pushing back against Minhyuk’s mouth.

“Yes, baby?” Minhyuk asked, moving away from where he had his buried into Changkyun’s pert ass, his voice sounding deep and raspy with arousal.

“Hyung,” he repeated, tone a shameless whine, “Hyung, that feels _good_.”

For Minhyuk, it seemed like he got off on giving—on watching Changkyun drown in the pleasure that he gave him with every gentle flick of his wrist and curl of his fingers, every kiss to his body; on seeing the younger man push back on his tongue when he pressed it flat against his hole, slowly dragging it across the smooth ridges of the ring of tight muscle. The younger man squirmed beneath him, breathless.

“Do you like this?” Minhyuk pressed, finger moving to replace his tongue, sliding into Changkyun’s body and easily pumping the digit with the help of the previous stretch and the lubrication.

 _“It feels so good,”_ Changkyun gasped, his cheeks flushed with a light pink colour. The ash-haired man turned his head so the pillow rested against his cheek—Minhyuk could hear his moans more clearly like that. And the dark-haired man lowered his free hand to undo the button and zipper of his pants, freeing his straining erection. He groaned quietly, continuing to fuck his fingers into Changkyun.

It worked as a steady pattern: pumps of his two digits into the younger man, and then he withdrew them to replace the digits with his tongue—lapping at Changkyun’s pretty, tight hole. And quickly, it had Changkyun melting into the sheets and squirming from the overwhelming pleasure.

With his fingers pushed deep into the younger man’s body, Minhyuk gripped onto his hip, licking his lips.

“Can you cum for me, just like this, baby?” he asked, the movement of his hand slow and deep. Changkyun whimpered, nodding. “You’re such a good boy… can you do that for me?”

And then, Minhyuk’s two long, slender fingers were pumping in and out of his body at a quicker tempo; deep and fast. The way the older man curled his fingers to hit that small bundle of nerves inside of him had the spiraling heat in the pit of Changkyun’s stomach coiling tightly, threatening to burst.

Lips parted with dirty moans from every thrust of Minhyuk’s fingers, Changkyun buried his face into the pillow, a hand wrapping around himself as he jerked himself to completion.

The younger man’s body convulsed when he finally came, spilling pearly white ropes of cum all over Minhyuk’s sheets; asshole clenching tightly around Minhyuk’s fingers. The older man slowly pulled his fingers out of him, and then, he was panting heavily, hands barely able to hold his own weight up. Minhyuk supported him with a hand wrapped around his waist, keeping him from falling down into the dirtied bed sheets.

Then, after a short moment of silence, Minhyuk chuckled softly.

“How was that?” he asked, amusement lilting in his tone. Changkyun exhaled a puff of air into the pillow, the muffled sound not hiding his embarrassment in the slightest. He was still breathless, when he tried to speak.

“That was amazing,” he replied, after a moment of trying to gather his words and build a coherent sentence. A part of himself still couldn’t believe that _his best friend just kissed and touched him, like that._

Minhyuk’s lips curled into a pleased smile. Then, he cleared his throat, the air seemingly threatening to become awkward. Changkyun shifted his eyes, moving to sit back up and look at Minhyuk.

“That’s it?” he asked, quietly. Minhyuk looked at him.

“What do you mean?” Minhyuk frowned. Changkyun looked down at Minhyuk’s neglected erection, gesturing at him awkwardly. “Oh, me? Don’t worry about me, I’ll take care of myself, later.”

Changkyun frowned at him, “But, that’s not fair.”

“What do you mean _‘that’s not fair’_?” Minhyuk asked, amusement filling his tone as he obviously held back a laugh. Changkyun bit down on his lower lip, shifting his eyes.

“Aren’t you supposed to like…” Changkyun cleared his throat, playing with his fingertips and keeping his eyes locked on Minhyuk’s crotch, “… you know, put _it_ in me…?”

Minhyuk choked on his own spit, nervously running his fingers through his dark locks and shaking his head, “Well—” he managed. “I _could_ , but I don’t _have_ to.”

“Well, when I was researching…” Changkyun started. Minhyuk stopped him.

“I’m sorry: _‘when you were researching’?_ What were you researching?”

Cheeks colouring darker than the post-orgasmic glow, Changkyun bit his lip. It almost sounded like Minhyuk was judging him. Changkyun’s insides twisted uncomfortably. “… I was researching what to do when you have sex.”

Minhyuk blinked at him, “… and how did you do this?”

In a quiet voice, Changkyun mumbled, “I watched porn…”

“You watched _porn_ to prepare for this?” Minhyuk asked, in disbelief. Changkyun nodded, grabbing at the sheets that pooled around his body and pulling them up to cover himself, shyly. Suddenly, he was afraid that he’d done something wrong; something strange.

The dark-haired man shook his head, laughing softly. The sound of his laughter immediately soothed the insecure part of Changkyun’s mind that called him an idiot.

“Contrary to popular belief, sex doesn’t _quite_ work out as it does in porn, Kyun.” Minhyuk said, chuckling. “Why did you think you’d need to do research? I told you I’d take care of you, didn’t I?”

Changkyun nodded, eyes still fixated on the older man’s still clothed erection—still strained against his underwear. Then, he tore his eyes away, looking down at the sheets, trying to put his words together into a coherent representation of everything he was feeling in his head; in his heart. A heavy sigh left his lips before anything else did. “I… I just didn’t want it to feel like chore for you to be doing this for me.”

Minhyuk sighed, reaching to run his fingers through Changkyun’s ash blond-coloured locks.

“This isn’t a chore to me, Kyun,” Minhyuk told him, “I told you that I’d do anything I could for you. It’s really not a chore to me, if you’re happy.”

“But, I want it to feel good for you, too,” Changkyun murmured, eyes that were refusing to meet with Minhyuk’s finally raising to look at him—the younger man’s eyes glistened, in the stream of afternoon light filtering through the curtains of Minhyuk’s room, from underneath his long lashes.

The words leaving his lips had him feeling too flustered. With Changkyun’s innocence, Minhyuk was sure that there was no way that he’d meant for it to look or sound so seductive. But, heat rushed through Minhyuk’s body and drew a groan from his lips. There was an urge to grab the younger man’s body and ravish him, all over again.

“Hyung,” his voice was quiet. “Hyung, can we do _that?_ Can we try it?”

Minhyuk swallowed hard, his throat feeling dry, “Try what?”

“Can you… _fuck me_?” Changkyun’s question was quiet—soft and unsure of if he was allowed to ask for such a thing. He supposed that it was a part of the agreement, when Minhyuk told him he’d take his virginity, but the younger man was impatient—wanted it, now.

Minhyuk cussed softly under his breath, a quiet groan leaving his lips; the quiet plea obviously pushing his arousal further. “I don’t have any condoms, though,” he said. “Didn’t get any.”

Changkyun licked his lips, clearing his throat, “… I can’t tell if you’re trying to turn me down or not,” he said—a panicked expression crossed Minhyuk’s face before Changkyun continued, “But… if you’re not, then, I brought some with me in my backpack.”

_“You have condoms?”_

“Why do you sound so shocked?” Changkyun instinctively whined. He threw himself back on the bed, pouting, “I might be a virgin, but it’s not like I don’t know how to try and be prepared!”

His remark was greeted with silence, and then Minhyuk laughed. The older man was suddenly hovering over him, fitting himself in between Changkyun’s spread thighs, the warmth of Minhyuk’s bigger body over top of his making his heart skip a beat. (But, truthfully, everything Minhyuk did had his heart skipping a beat.) He looked up to meet with the dark-haired man’s eyes. Minhyuk’s eyes seemed to twinkle in the light, or perhaps, it was the way the sunlight streamed through the window and left a dreamy glow against the older man’s features.

“You’re so fucking cute,” Minhyuk said, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in for a kiss. Changkyun’s heart fluttered at the words and he shyly smiled into the kiss.

Minhyuk trailed the kisses down his neck and this time, Changkyun tilted his head to give the older man better access to the column of his neck. Minhyuk bit into the skin, sucking softly and leaving another hickey on the younger man’s neck; Changkyun exhaled a moan, fingers gripping into Minhyuk’s hair.

Then, slowly pulling away from him, Minhyuk got onto his knees, undressing himself and throwing his slacks onto the floor next to the bed. Left in his underwear and he knelt in front of the younger man, Changkyun regarded him with hooded eyes and Minhyuk’s hand massaged his own clothed cock, gritting his teeth and hissing at the small wave of pleasure shooting across his body.

Changkyun’s shy hands reached for his, placing themselves atop the older man’s hands, looking up at him from under dark lashes. “May I?” he asked, quietly.

Minhyuk swallowed, “Yes,” he breathed. “Yes, you may.”

Eager and obedient, Changkyun pushed himself to sit up. The younger man got onto his knees, carefully tugging Minhyuk’s underwear down and off of his body. Changkyun’s hand wrapped itself carefully around Minhyuk’s cock, prettily curved up towards his stomach, eyes remaining on Minhyuk’s face as if searching for approval. If he got his approval, then it came in the form of a low moan leaving Minhyuk’s lips when he pumped his hand, slowly.

Then, daring and bold, the ash-haired man leaned forward, wrapping his pretty lips around the head of Minhyuk’s cock. That earned him a surprised grunt, followed by fingers in his hair, encouragingly pushing him forward. Opening his mouth a little wider, Changkyun took more of Minhyuk’s length into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and wrapping his hand around what he couldn’t fit into his mouth.

Minhyuk tilted his head back, moaning loudly in appreciation, _“Fuck, Changkyun…”_

With Minhyuk’s cock still in his mouth, he looked up at the older man with wide, innocent eyes. It looked obscene, when Changkyun’s eyes were so innocent, despite having a dick in his mouth. Minhyuk groaned at the sight, hips involuntarily thrusting forward into the tight heat of Changkyun’s mouth.

Immediately, the younger man pulled off of his cock, tears in his eyes as he coughed, loudly, having choked when the head of Minhyuk’s dick pushed against the back of his throat.

 _“Shit,”_ Minhyuk swore, scrambling to wipe the younger man’s tears away from his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Changkyun shook his head, “No, I’m sorry—”

“No, don’t apologize,” Minhyuk said, regret filling his eyes (and in the back of Changkyun’s head, he could only hope that Minhyuk wasn’t regretting what they were doing, now). “Shit, I promised I wouldn’t let you get hurt.”

“Hyung,” Changkyun called, hands placing themselves over where Minhyuk had his hands on Changkyun’s cheeks. His hands were warm and comforting. “It’s okay. I just wanted to make you feel good…”

Minhyuk sighed, leaning down to press a kiss to the younger man’s cheek—lingering and gentle. He ran his fingers through Changkyun’s hair, exhaling softly again as he seemingly tried to piece his words together. “You have no idea how good that felt, baby. Don’t feel bad. I’m sorry I hurt you, are you okay?”

Timidly, the younger man nodded. Minhyuk pressed another kiss to his forehead.

“Do you want to keep going?” Minhyuk asked, sounding concerned—gentle fingers brushing his hair out of his eyes. Changkyun nodded, again, firm with his decision. But, for a moment, he couldn’t bring himself to believe that Minhyuk didn’t feel anything romantic towards him (but, he forced himself to take his mind off the idea before he hurt himself with foolish hopefulness). “Where are the condoms you brought, baby?”

“In my backpack,” he replied, the pet name still making him feel butterflies, “I can get them.”

Slipping out of Minhyuk’s arms, Changkyun leaned over the side of the bed, ass in the air as he dug through his backpack to find the box of condoms that he’d risked his dignity to buy—and was now entirely so glad that he did. They wouldn’t have gone this far if he hadn’t done so—he wouldn’t have had his chance to have the object of all of his affections ravish him, completely.

Minhyuk’s hands immediately moved to grab his ass. The older man kneaded the perky globes, watching as Changkyun squirmed under his touch as he continued to search for the box of condoms. Then, moving closer to him, Minhyuk wrapped an arm around Changkyun, bracing him before bringing his palm down a smooth cheek with a sound smacking sound. Changkyun gasped sharply, turning to look at him. Minhyuk chuckled softly, bending down to press a kiss to the spot he’d struck.

“Sorry,” he murmured, “Your ass is just… really cute.”

Changkyun blushed at the remark, pushing himself back up and falling straight into Minhyuk’s lap. The older man’s erection pressed against his back and Changkyun shyly handed him the wrapped condom. Minhyuk chuckled, taking it from his hands and then patting his ass, gently.

“So, what did porn teach you?” Minhyuk asked, “How do you want me?”

Changkyun pushed him, “Don’t tease me!”

Minhyuk smirked, nimble fingers opening the condom wrapper, “Get on your knees for me, baby.”

The fight in him immediately dissipated when he was given instructions, and he moved back to where Minhyuk’s pillows were rested on the bed. Obedient, Changkyun got back on his hands and knees, waiting for the older man.

He hadn’t been expecting the gentle hand on his ass, soothingly rubbing it; the feeling of Minhyuk dribbling more lubrication onto his hole. Changkyun inhaled sharply, holding his breath and waiting for the inevitable stretch of Minhyuk’s cock pushing into him—he could hardly imagine what it would feel like to have all of Minhyuk’s length inside of him. Truthfully, he wasn’t even sure if it would fit, but he didn’t dare to ask.

Minhyuk’s cock was hard when it brushed against his hole, the sensation having him gasp softly. Changkyun’s hole clenched in anticipation of being filled. A careful hand placed itself on Changkyun’s hip and Minhyuk slowly pushed himself into Changkyun’s already stretched hole.

A moan fell from his lips in sharp, short sounds—staccato whimpers. His slender fingers gripped into the bed sheets, eyes squeezing shut as he held back the urge to whine in pain. This time, everything felt so much more _vivid_ ; both the pain and the pleasure mingling with one another, making Changkyun’s head spin.

“You’re so sensitive, aren’t you, baby?” Minhyuk purred into his ear, large hands holding onto his hips and gently nudging himself deeper. Changkyun’s lips parted in a muted moan, wincing with the pain of the stretch but letting himself drown in the spikes of pleasure from his hypersensitive state. Every one of Minhyuk’s touches felt so _different_ like this. “You just came, of course you are.”

Whimpering softly in response, Changkyun shifted, moving Minhyuk’s cock inside of himself.

“Fuck,” he gasped. “You’re so—”

 _“—you’re so tight,”_ Minhyuk spoke over him, through gritted teeth. The grip on Changkyun’s hips from Minhyuk trying to prevent himself from thrusting into the tight heat would definitely leave small bruises on the younger man’s hips in the morning. “Shit, you feel so good around me.”

Panting softly, Changkyun turned his head, burying his face into the pillows. It’s with a sudden moment of feeling bold that he moved his hips; pulling himself off of Minhyuk’s cock and then pushing his hips back, letting the slide move deeper inside of him. Minhyuk’s fingers gripped tighter into his hips, a moan from the back of his throat escaping his mouth, sounding like a quiet growl.

 _“Changkyun,”_ Minhyuk said, tone stern. “I don’t want to hurt you, you can’t just—you can’t just do that—”

The younger man continued the movement of his hips, ignoring the way his hypersensitive body sent waves of both pleasure and pain down his spine; ignoring Minhyuk’s words until the older man held him still. With a soft whine, Changkyun wiggled himself back down on Minhyuk’s cock, taking the older man’s entire length into his ass, “But, _hyung_ ,” he exhaled, breathless and barely managing to string his words together without slurring between moans, “You’re not _hurting_ me. It feels really good.”

And if there was a trigger to make Minhyuk lose his composure, then Changkyun struck it perfectly. The dark-haired man groaned, unable to control himself anymore.

Changkyun was absolutely shameless and the heat around his dick was slowly getting to his head.

So, with his hands still holding onto the younger man’s hips, Minhyuk began thrusting his hips into the younger man; fucking him with a steady pace that had Changkyun keening, because it hurt, but it hurt _so good._

His erection, which had been neglected for so long, in combination with the tight heat around his cock had Minhyuk feeling himself come closer to his own orgasm with every thrust into Changkyun’s ass.

When he finally found his release, he pulled out of the younger man, jerking himself to completion over Changkyun’s pert ass. And then, Changkyun collapsed into the sheets, burying his face into the pillow.

Minhyuk laid down on top of Changkyun, earning himself a displeased whine from the ash-haired man beneath him.

With a laugh, Minhyuk rolled off of him and wrapped his arms around the younger man, looking at him. There was a moment of staring silently at Changkyun’s closed eyes, until the smaller man finally opened his eyes to meet with his. (And for a moment, Minhyuk took a breath, because in the many years of knowing Changkyun, he’d never seen him so close; never really realized how pretty he was.)

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Changkyun asked, quietly. Minhyuk chuckled, shaking his head.

“No reason,” he replied. “Am I looking at you funny?”

Changkyun shrugged, shifting to cuddle up against him.

“I don’t know,” he told him. “I’m sleepy.”

Minhyuk raised an eyebrow, turning to look at the clock. Changkyun took the chance to bury his face into Minhyuk’s chest, comfortably resting against him. _19:48._

“Don’t you want to put on some clothes before you fall asleep?” Minhyuk asked, moving to try and get out of Changkyun’s arms and fetch the clothing they’d discarded on the floor (read: the clothing Minhyuk threw all over the floor) of his bedroom.

But, when he looked back down, Changkyun was already fast asleep in his arms.

And he didn’t have the heart to wake him up.

Laying back down against his pillows, Minhyuk exhaled, before reaching to pull the cleaner side of his blankets over their bodies. Then, he closed his eyes and followed his best friend into dream world.

 

 

 

It turned out that Changkyun’s entire weekend was spent at Minhyuk’s place. It hadn’t been planned for that to happen, but it simply did. The morning after they had sex for the first time, Changkyun woke up with a sharp pain down his back and Minhyuk panicked—as if he’d forgotten about the inevitable consequences of having sex for the first time. He’d ushered Changkyun into the bath and made him sit in warm water, hoping that it would be enough to soothe the pain—Changkyun didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was barely helpful. Minhyuk sat on the sink counter, nervously playing with his fingers as he looked down.

He’d apologized relentlessly for not taking enough care of Changkyun, completely ignoring the fact that it would obviously be painful the next morning if _anyone_ had taken an entire dick up their ass. In a strange sort of way, the way that Minhyuk seemed so alarmed was comical—Changkyun would be laughing at him for it, if he wasn’t feeling pain all down his body and laughter would only make it a million times worse. From inside the tub, dressed in one of Minhyuk’s oversized shirts, Changkyun had to carefully make sure that he wouldn’t get it soaked, despite Minhyuk insisting that it would be fine.

They didn’t talk about the previous night—didn’t talk about how Minhyuk’s soft pet names made Changkyun’s heart flutter; didn’t talk about how each and every kiss felt too gentle to _only_ be about the sex; didn’t talk about how Changkyun was still so helplessly in love with his own best friend, who was entirely oblivious to it all.

What they did do, however, was end up spending the entire weekend together. Minhyuk didn’t want to let him out of his sight until the pain stopped, and for Changkyun, spending the entire weekend with Minhyuk was heaven. It was spending time with Minhyuk in their own little world—it was like they’d forgotten entirely about the world outside of Minhyuk’s house; it was like nothing existed aside from the two of them.

_(And perhaps, it was a world where Changkyun could delude himself into thinking that Minhyuk might feel something more than just platonic emotions towards him.)_

Spending the entire weekend together brought Changkyun many of his firsts—more than just what he’d asked for, when he’d brought up losing his virginity to Minhyuk. Minhyuk held his hand when they were on the sofa watching a re-run of a drama that Minhyuk had been casually following. They made out on the couch, shortly after the drama ended; that was a first too. And he learned more about his best friend than he’d ever done in the years of being friends.

Minhyuk cooked a lot better than he bragged—there was a good reason that he was the only person who cooked for his little brother, who’d already moved out. He learned that Minhyuk was obsessed with turning off the lights in every single room that they weren’t in at the current moment, because he didn’t want to pay the electricity bill for a room that wasn’t in use— _it’s a scam! A total scam,_ he insisted. Changkyun thought it was adorable to see a fully grown man be so childishly insistent about something. Additionally, he learned that in the presence of temptation, Minhyuk really hadn’t the slightest bit of self-control. Perhaps, he should have known that from the many times he’d gone to the store with Minhyuk and the older man coaxed him into letting him purchase a bunch of games for Changkyun’s PS4, that he’d never play unless Minhyuk was with him. But, it was a little bit different to Changkyun when he knew that he was the object of Minhyuk’s temptation, this time around.

So, letting Minhyuk give into all of his temptations, Changkyun let Minhyuk fuck him again on the kitchen counter, when he’d been searching for a box of cookies—unintentionally teasing the older man with the way Minhyuk’s shirt rode up on his body, whenever he got onto the tips of his toes and reached. His voice low and raspy in Changkyun’s ear, when he wrapped his arms around the younger man’s waist from behind, asking for permission to ravish him again. With his breath sharply hitching in the back of his throat, Changkyun easily agreed.

For Changkyun, the weekend ended all too soon for what he’d hoped for. He would have liked to spend the rest of his life in walls of Minhyuk’s home with him, but every good thing had to come to an end. And for Changkyun, that good thing ended when the alarm rang on Monday morning and Minhyuk groggily woke him up with a kiss to his forehead—it felt so natural for the older man to do that, now—telling him that it was time for him to get up and go to school. Truthfully, Changkyun never wanted to leave Minhyuk’s place, because it meant that everything that happened during the weekend would diminish into nothing—perhaps, Minhyuk would forget all about it and they’d go back to square one. Changkyun would miss the affection.

Truthfully, he was terrified that everything would change once they finally left the confines of Minhyuk’s home. He was terrified that once they left, whatever crazy spell he’d casted on Minhyuk for the weekend would fade away, and Minhyuk would find himself regretting everything that they did together for the week. Ruining their friendship was the one thing that terrified him the most, and it made him regret ever asking Minhyuk to take his virginity, because this wasn’t something that they could brush away and pretend never happened. It would be impossible for _Changkyun_ to forget about it.

After Minhyuk dropped him off at the school, an hour and a half earlier than he needed to be at the school, Changkyun made an immediate beeline for the bookstore, hoping that the line up at nine in the morning wouldn’t be a painful wait. For some odd reason, Changkyun felt the need to find Kihyun and tell him about the weekend he had with Minhyuk. (There was something about Kihyun that made him feel like they’d known one another for years, and he needed to report every important moment in his life to the older man. And surely, losing his virginity to the same man he’d complained about was _probably_ an important moment in life.)

When he got to the bookstore, it was filled with students looking through textbooks, but the cash register was open. Kihyun was easy to spot with the shock of pink hair on his head. The pink-haired man was sticking labels onto a bunch of books off to the side of the checkout counter. He noticed Changkyun awkwardly lingering by the side of the desk almost immediately.

Placing the final book onto the stack, the pink-haired man arched an eyebrow and he looked at him.

“Are you waiting to talk to me?” he asked. Changkyun nodded, hands tugging nervously on the strap of his backpack. Kihyun gave him a look, up and down, before he motioned for the younger man to come closer. Changkyun stepped closer to the counter to speak to Kihyun and before he could say anything, the older man stacked up the books and looked at him. “Weren’t you wearing that same outfit when you left on Friday?”

Changkyun flushed, “You saw me on Friday?”

Kihyun hummed, nodding his head in response. “Yeah, I did. I got off of work early and I saw you in the parking lot with another guy,” he replied. “You guys were walking really awkwardly far apart when I saw you guys, but then you got in the same car. I didn’t think it was you, at first, but I figured: _who else has that bright of hair in this school?_ ”

Changkyun frowned at him, “You have pink hair.”

“And you didn’t see me,” Kihyun retorted, promptly.

Changkyun made to make a remark, but he closed his mouth, when he realized that Kihyun had a very good point. There wasn’t really a point in his calling Kihyun out for being someone else who had extremely bright coloured hair, when he couldn’t spot the older man in a parking lot where college students parked their dully coloured vehicles (no one could afford those nice red sports cars in university). Kihyun should have been a bright ass neon sign screaming _‘here I am! Look at me!’_

“Anyway,” he said, “Did you have some sort of hook up with that guy, or something?”

Cheeks blazing a bright red colour, Changkyun looked away, biting down on his lower lip, he nodded. Kihyun dropped the book that he was stacking, gaping at Changkyun.

 _“You had sex with him?”_ he exclaimed, loudly. Everyone in the bookstore immediately turned to look at the two of them. Changkyun suddenly felt like crawling into a hole and dying, but not in the same way that he felt whenever Minhyuk smiled at him. _This was completely different._ This was the feeling of _actually wanting to die._

Noticing the people turning their attention to them, Kihyun had the decency to take Changkyun around the counter and pull him into the back room. From the way the other employees glanced at them, Changkyun could imagine that this really wasn’t something typical of Kihyun’s behaviour (“I’m going on my break now,” he called out to the other employees and Changkyun noticed that they all looked at one another in concern, before returning to their work).

“So,” Kihyun started, when they were finally in the privacy of the back room. The back room was barely furnished, save a table in the center and a stool that looked like it was only meant for temporary standing, when an employee couldn’t reach a book. The room had books messily scattered everywhere. It didn’t look like the ideal place to speak to anyone, but Changkyun supposed that it was better than being in the eye of the public while talking about a weekend escapade filled with sex. “You had _sex_ with him?”

Changkyun bit down on his lower lip, nodding, “Yes.”

“You _know_ him, right?” Kihyun asked. Changkyun nodded again, this time frantically.

“Yes,” he said, sounding both nervous and confused with the older man’s question, before he realized he’d never mentioned Minhyuk’s name to Kihyun—nor did he ever describe what Minhyuk looked like. Of course, Kihyun would be concerned with the idea of Changkyun getting into a car with someone he _might not know_ and end up having had sex with him. “He’s my best friend—”

Kihyun raised an eyebrow at him, letting the words process for a moment before cutting Changkyun off from continuing his statement, “Your best friend? The one you were complaining to me about just two weeks ago? The one that you were telling me that you definitely didn’t have a crush on and were scared of ruining your long-time relationship with? _That_ best friend?”

Timidly, the younger man nodded. Kihyun’s expression changed and immediately, the pink-haired man looked as if he were concerned for Changkyun’s well-being and the people that he was associating himself with. The look on his face made Changkyun think back to how he’d initially been struck with the idea that Kihyun was someone he could easily trust—someone who was kind, considerate and cared for the people around him, no matter who they were.

“… Did he ask you for sex?” Kihyun asked. Changkyun shook his head, looking down at his hands.

“No, I asked him…” he replied, quietly.

Kihyun pressed his hands to his forehead, brows furrowing as he tried to work out the reasoning behind the situation that played out in front of them. He didn’t know very much about the situation nor did he know very much about Changkyun, but for some reason, he felt a protective instinct over the younger man. And at the given moment, he couldn’t piece together why the younger man ended up _like this_ , just barely two weeks after their very first conversation.

Surely, he missed out on something important, because it didn’t seem to add up.

The pink-haired man took a breath, looking down at his watch, before looking back at Changkyun.

“So…” Kihyun started, staring warily at Changkyun. The younger man felt small underneath his gaze, but Kihyun wasn’t looking at him in a judgmental manner, nor was he looking at him in a way that was condescending. Kihyun was looking at him with the concern of an older brother watching their younger sibling make a terrible mistake. But, whatever thought went into Kihyun’s words certainly didn’t help them come out very kindly, though. “What episode did I miss in this character development? Or did this drama just take a huge ass spin, pulled straight out of the director’s asshole?”

Changkyun chewed on his lower lip, “… well, after I talked to you the other day, my friend visited me and we were talking. And he kind of suggested that maybe, Minhyuk hyung didn’t like virgins because he definitely wasn’t one. So, I… I think I kind of came to terms with all of my feelings, because I started thinking about _it_.” He wrung his hands, shyly. “And then, I ended up asking Minhyuk hyung if he was a virgin, and in the spur of the moment, I asked him if he would be okay with taking my virginity.”

“Who is this guy?” Kihyun asked, seemingly ignoring everything else that Changkyun said.

“He’s my best friend’s little brother’s boyfriend,” he replied, eying Kihyun strangely. Kihyun made a face; disdain scribbled itself all over the pink-haired man’s face and it might have looked comical, if Changkyun didn’t feel like he was a child being scolded by their parent. Something about Kihyun gave off that vibe—perhaps, it was just the way that Kihyun was looking at him.

“Well, the next time you see your best friend’s little brother’s boyfriend,” Kihyun said, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth and pursing his lips into a small frown, “I’d like for you to pass on a little message from me. Tell him that he’s a fucking moron, and I hope he chokes on a dick.”

Changkyun opened his mouth to say something, but then decided against it. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“And if you think I’m done with you, then you’re mistaken, Changkyun,” Kihyun added, shooting Changkyun a displeased look. “I didn’t get to tell you that you’re an idiot, either.”

Changkyun winced, as if the remark stung. Kihyun’s voice immediately softened, though.

“You’re not supposed to give up your virginity to anyone, unless you really feel like you’re ready for it, sweetheart,” Kihyun said, voice gentle. “I don’t know if you were really ready for it, but when I told you that you should think about your feelings a little more and take some risks, this really wasn’t what I meant. If you’re happy with your decision, then I’m happy for you—for the both of you. But, considering the fact that you came to me right in the morning on a Monday, after your weekend, I’m thinking that you’re having some sort of crisis in your head, right now.”

Sighing softly, the ash-haired man nodded, confirming Kihyun’s words.

Leaning against the wall that was void of books, Changkyun shifted his eyes down and glanced at the floor, letting all of his feelings spill out to Kihyun, all over again. “I don’t know if it was a mistake or not, because right now, I feel like I had such a great time with him over the entire weekend, but I can’t know what he’s thinking. I don’t know how to ask him how he feels about me, Kihyun hyung, and I feel like… the longer I wait, the more I’ll want him.”

He bit down on his lip, feeling his heart clench at the idea of waiting forever for someone who might never develop any kind of feelings for him—for someone who might spend their entire lifetime thinking of him as nothing but a friend. “I don’t know what that’s going to be like, because I’ve never liked someone so much… but, a part of me tells me that it might hurt. And, I’m really not ready for something like that. Whoever said that it was easy to fall in love with your best friend? I hate them so much.”

 _“Oh, sweetheart,”_ Kihyun exhaled, the sound of his voice almost pitying Changkyun, reaching out for the younger man and pulling him into a gentle embrace. Kihyun’s arms felt warm around him and comforting, but it did nothing to help the sudden urge to break down in tears, now that he was in someone else’s arms. “Sweetheart, you can’t think like that. You’ll destroy yourself slowly, if you do that to yourself.”

“What am I supposed to do?” he asked, quietly—sounding so fragile; so _small_.

Kihyun pat his back gently, sighing softly, “You’re supposed to believe in yourself and you’re supposed to do your best—you’re supposed to listen to the people around you. In romance, sweetheart, you can’t just give up when you think you might have the slightest chance. It might not always work out, but then everything is a lesson; it might all work out in the end, if you try hard enough and don’t do anything rash.”

Nodding, almost miserably, Changkyun leaned his head against Kihyun’s shoulder, sighing. “Why can’t having crushes be so much easier? I didn’t feel like this when I was by his side, but as soon as I leave, I feel like he’ll never feel anything towards me. Why can’t it all be so much easier?”

Kihyun chuckled, “Because then, life would be too easy for us to learn lessons and learn to defend ourselves… and then, we’ll never know what real happiness is. That’s why.”

“You’re always so wise,” Changkyun murmured. Kihyun smiled, a sense of pride seemingly seeping into the corners of his lips when his mouth curled into a pretty curve.

“You’ve spoken to me twice,” he said, arching an eyebrow at Changkyun and obviously trying to lighten the mood between the two of them—trying to get Changkyun’s mind off of everything that haunted him.

“And you’ve been helpful, both times,” he answered. Kihyun hummed softly.

“I’m glad I’m helpful,” he said. “That’s what I try to do.”

There was the sound of knocking against the door of the room they were in and Kihyun looked at his watch, arms still wrapped around Changkyun. A soft sigh left his lips, sounding more disappointed than anything. Changkyun connected the dots before Kihyun actually confirmed the disappointment.

“My break is over,” he told him. “I need to go back to work, now.”

“I’ll talk to you later,” Changkyun replied, nodding. “I’ll come visit you like I promised.”

“I’m glad you will. It’s really boring when I don’t have anyone to talk to during my long shifts. But, hey, don’t make that face. Cheer up,” Kihyun said, ruffling the younger man’s hair and flashing him an encouraging smile. “If he was willing to have sex with you, I’m sure there’s something a little deeper. I still don’t know you very well, but if he’s your best friend, I don’t think he’d be the type to use you for your body.”

And Changkyun left the cramped break room feeling a million times lighter than he’d felt leaving Minhyuk’s car.

 

 

 

The next few weeks were uneventful. He saw Minhyuk in class and they worked on their essays in silence, sitting across from one another in the library, but considering their weekend together, nothing seemed to be eventful. Every moment with Minhyuk made him feel like reaching across the table and taking the older man’s hand into his; hold it as he worked, or cuddle up to him without any questions being asked.

And perhaps, he’d liked Minhyuk a lot more than he initially thought. He’d always heard that it made feelings so much more _vivid_ , when you finally acted on them. He’d never believed the stories, until now. It really was something that you had to experience to understand, and Changkyun wished he didn’t need to spend so much time pining over his own best friend—he wished he could just read Minhyuk’s mind and know what was going on. He simply wished that he understood what Minhyuk thought about their relationship, now— _had it changed since that night? Was he still a form of forbidden temptation to the older man?_

“Are you okay, Changkyun?” came a voice from behind him. The young man jolted out of his thoughts, visibly jumping at the sound of the voice. He turned around in the swivelling chair, holding a hand to his chest.

He was immediately met with wide, concerned eyes and a mess of silver hair. _Shin Hoseok_ , his teaching assistant for his lab sessions. Suddenly, he remembered where he was and he turned his head to look at the screen of his computer, trying to figure out how long he’d been so spaced out for.

“You’ve been holding onto the space bar for the past five minutes, and I’m not the professor, so maybe there’s something I’m missing, but I’m sure that doesn’t do anything for the code,” Hoseok said, teasingly nudging him. “Are you okay? You’ve been really distracted these days. I think even Professor Kang noticed—she mentioned it to me the other day, because you don’t answer questions in class anymore.”

Changkyun sighed, burying his face into his hands, “I think I’m fine, hyung,” he replied. “I’ve just been having some personal problems…”

Hoseok made a face, “We’re all going through things, huh? You know, I’m always willing to listen, if you want to talk. I know I’m just your TA, but I like to think of us as friends.”

“I know, hyung,” he answered, nodding his head. “I’d tell you if I could.”

In his peripheral, he noticed that the computer lab was almost empty—the students in his major never liked hanging around the lab, or even staying in the lab. They tended to show up to the lab with the work completed, which they’d then submit and leave. It was reasonable that Hoseok liked to think of him as a friend when he was one of the only students who were willing to stay and listen to Hoseok dictate instructions; the silver-haired man was grateful for it, and Changkyun thought it was extremely reasonably so.

“But, it’s just hard to talk about, sometimes. It’s sort of… relationship problems.”

Hoseok made a sound as if he understood the issue entirely too well. There had been rumours that Hoseok hadn’t quite been himself for the past few weeks because of his own relationship problems, and Changkyun couldn’t help but feel grateful that Hoseok was willing to help him, when he was having problems of his own.

“Boy problems suck, don’t they?” Hoseok asked him. Changkyun raised an eyebrow and Hoseok chuckled, “Sorry, I just say that a lot because my boyfriend says it all the time; it just becomes a habit to speak like the people around you. I wasn’t really sure if you were… y’know, straight or not.”

“Someone once told me that gay people can smell each other,” he replied, chuckling and shaking his head, feeling lighter to have someone to talk to, outside of talking to everyone who was directly associated to the object of his affections. “You’re right. Boy problems suck.”

Hoseok flashed a grin, the light in his eyes proved that he was entirely relieved that he hadn’t offended Changkyun in any way. “My boyfriend says that all the time, and I used to think he was just screwing with me. But, hey, I’m trying to deal with my own boy problems, too. My boyfriend and I aren’t exactly on good terms, right now. We live together and we’re hardly speaking to one another, because we’re both always so busy. Maybe, we should go grab a drink together sometime and cry about it, together.”

Changkyun laughed, shaking his head at the older man.

“If it’ll help, then I think I’m down.”

 

 

 

Taking his stress out on video games was the immediate solution to trying and fix all of his problems. For some odd reason, yelling at his friends over voice chat was much more efficient in ignoring all of his emotions than doing homework was. He’d been asked, several times, why he was so jumpy and loud while playing, recently, but he didn’t have an answer for them. Perhaps, it was because he was waiting for something—but, he didn’t know what.

“Changkyun, I’m going out, sweetheart,” his mom called from the front door. He only heard her because he’d turned down his headset when Bora, one of the girls he’d been gaming with, had asked him if someone else was in the room, because his highly sensitive microphone suddenly responded to the presence of another.

“Yeah, have fun. I’ll see you later,” he called back, focusing entirely on aiming his light gun at the jumping archer on the other side of the screen— _damned Hanzo mains._

“You have a visitor,” she added, before the door shut behind herself.

He didn’t hear her, having turned his headset back up after bidding her goodbye, but he heard the echo of the footsteps behind him.

“Mom, didn’t you say you were leaving?” he asked, though he wasn’t actively listening for a response. He was entirely focused on his game and asking was just a courtesy.

Changkyun didn’t turn his head to look, firing his gun at the small characters on the screen, his eyes following the trackers on the map and his character’s gun. Tapping at his controller and chasing the archer character, Changkyun was quickly ambushed and blindsided to death by three quick consecutive attacks—barely catching sight of the character running down the path where the archer had run to.

A frustrated shout left his lips and he could hear the sound of laughter through the voice chat.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have done that,” came a voice from behind him, when the respawn screen flashed in front of him. Changkyun sighed, before registering that he was being spoken to—by a man. He whirled his head around to look at the person accompanying him. _Minhyuk._

 _“Yeah, Changkyun,”_ came Bora’s voice, teasing and wicked, but it registered in his head as background noise, because he was so focused on staring at Minhyuk’s face. _“Minhyukkie is right. You shouldn’t have done that.”_

 _“Oh—”_ Changkyun said, both surprised to see Minhyuk and thinking that he should have expected it. There weren’t very many people who visited him at his house at random times of the day. Minhyuk had probably texted him, but he’d ignored the texts for the sake of gaming. “You’re not mom.”

“No, I’m not your mom. Your mom let me in,” Minhyuk said, flashing a small smile. He seemed amused. “Hey, there. You know you’re going to get robbed one day, if you’re so into your games that you don’t even hear someone come up from behind you and literally watch you play games, right?”

 _“I’m not buying you another PS4, if you get yours stolen,”_ Bora’s voice came back on the headset and there was the sound of her friends snickering in the background.

His gaming system had been a gift from the older woman as a graduation gift and she continuously teased him about it when he did poorly in games, or complained about his grades not being the most ideal. Yoon Bora was a family friend, who kindly treated him like a little brother—she’d been his babysitter when he was still a small child.

Groaning in response to the older woman’s teasing, Changkyun fell back against his sofa and pulled the headset to let it rest around his neck. Minhyuk chuckled, able to hear the sound of Bora’s voice, now that the headset was turned up loud and not against Changkyun’s ears.

As soon as his character respawned, the game timed out and the statistics of the game popped up on the screen.

“Oh, you actually did really well,” Minhyuk remarked.

 _“Of course he did. I trained him,”_ Bora told Minhyuk, the smugness evident in her voice. She was proud of what she’d trained Changkyun to become in her many years of babysitting him and feeding his every desire to play video games until late nights—always have been. Minhyuk found it amusing and he chuckled in response.

“I play on my own, too,” Changkyun complained. Bora hummed.

_“Yes, but, where would you be without me, though?”_

“Nowhere,” Minhyuk replied for him, grinning cheekily and draping an arm over the younger man’s shoulder. Huffing, Changkyun nudged the older man with a frown on his lips. Bora’s laughter echoed through the headset.

 _“Changkyun, I have to head off to work, now. I’ll play with you again, later,”_ Bora told him, waiting for the game to return to the waiting screen, before she logged out. She turned off her voice chat, leaving him alone with Minhyuk.

Sitting in silence for a moment, Changkyun snapped out of his trance of thinking about _being alone with Minhyuk_ , and reached to turn his PS4 and the television off. Turning to look at Minhyuk, the younger man blinked, quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming over?” he asked. Minhyuk rolled his eyes in good nature.

“You see, I did,” he said, reaching over Changkyun and picking up the younger man’s phone. The screen lit up and showed a notification reading _26 New Message(s)_. “But, _someone’s_ been ignoring my texts.”

Changkyun reached towards him for his phone and Minhyuk held it higher, above Changkyun’s reach. Suddenly, the younger man felt like he was in the middle of a filming for some cheesy drama, where cliché flirt scenes were the main focus for the lead couple. He couldn’t pretend that he actually hated it, because he’d dream of having a relationship like that with Minhyuk—playful and _requited._

But, this kind of teasing was normal between the two of them. Minhyuk always did this to him—they were always playful and teasing with one another. Changkyun couldn’t grasp why it felt so different, this time around. He couldn’t understand why one simple event led to making him think about Minhyuk in so many different ways.

Before his mind could jump into a rabbit hole of strange thoughts about his best friend, he shook his head to clear it. He couldn’t be thinking about how nice it would be to kiss that smirk off of Minhyuk’s lips; how nice it would be to just let go and run his fingers through Minhyuk’s dark locks, tugging his closer and kissing him until his lips rubbed raw and a pretty shade of red. Changkyun wondered when he started thinking such perverted things about his best friend—how one single weekend could have changed so much between the two of them.

(But, he thought of Kihyun and about how the pink-haired man once told him that it could all just be in his head.

And then, it occurs to him that perhaps, nothing had changed at all.)

“Hyung!” Changkyun huffed, when Minhyuk wrapped his free arm around Changkyun’s waist and prevented the younger man from reaching any higher than the base of the palm of Minhyuk’s hand. He stumbled when he reached and fell against the dark-haired man, despite still being on the floor; Minhyuk kept him stable. “Give me my phone!”

“Hmm,” Minhyuk hummed, eyes twinkling in amusement as he looked down into Changkyun’s eyes. He held his breath as he made direct eye contact with the older man, heart leaping childishly in his chest. His tone was obviously joking, but the pout on Minhyuk’s lips made Changkyun want to wrap his arms around him and comfort him. “You’ve been ignoring your best friend’s text messages, but you want your phone now that he’s here? What are you going to do? Is there someone more important than me that you haven’t told me about?”

 _“What—?”_ the younger man managed to utter, helplessly.

“Are you cheating on me, baby?” Minhyuk asked, feigning hurt and dramatically clutching Changkyun to himself. For a moment, Changkyun’s heartbeat stopped in his chest and his breath caught in the back of his throat. He quickly gathered himself, heartbeat racing in his chest and pounding in his ears (as if trying to remind him that he was so hopelessly crushing on his best friend), and his cheeks burned a bright pink colour.

“Hyung, I’d _never_ ,” Changkyun pouted, deflating—giving up reaching for his phone and curling up to rest all of his weight against the older man’s chest. He had to look away from the older man to prevent himself from giving into all of his temptations and leaning up to kiss Minhyuk’s adorable pout. Minhyuk chuckled, handing back his phone and smiling—so innocent and so oblivious of the swirling storm inside of Changkyun’s heart, mind and soul. He couldn’t blame Minhyuk for being so clueless, when he didn’t have the courage to tell him about all of it.

“I know you wouldn’t,” he replied, softly.

But, Changkyun was sure that Minhyuk hadn’t the slightest idea that he was more honest than he’d ever been, when he said it—that he meant it more than as a response to Minhyuk’s teasing; that he wanted Minhyuk to know that it was so much more than simple banter between best friends.

“Why are you here, by the way?” he asked, still leaning against Minhyuk’s chest, unlocking his phone and looking through the text messages Minhyuk had sent him.

“If you’d read my texts, you would have known,” Minhyuk said in a singsong tone. Changkyun pouted and Minhyuk laughed.

“I brought you dinner,” Minhyuk said, ruffling his hair, running his long fingers through the younger man’s light coloured locks. “I just got back from dropping food off at Jooheon’s place, and I figured you’d want some. Mom and dad just got back from their business trip and I heard mom say that she was going to be going out with your mom—I figured she didn’t cook and you’d eat ramen.”

Changkyun glanced at his controller and then peered up at Minhyuk.

“You think I don’t know how to feed myself?” Changkyun asked, feigning a miffed tone to his voice. Minhyuk rolled his eyes at him and poked his fingers into Changkyun’s side, making the younger man squirm against him.

“I know you’d make ramen, if your mother didn’t cook and you were home alone, Im Changkyun,” Minhyuk told him, sternly—but despite his tone, Changkyun knew he was joking. “I even know you’d make it somewhere around midnight, when you’ve suddenly realized that you haven’t eaten all day.”

Sighing, Changkyun buried his face into Minhyuk’s chest, making himself comfortable against him. Then, he mumbled into the older man’s shirt, “Don’t call me out like that, hyung.”

“I’m your best friend,” Minhyuk told him, grinning in amusement. “That’s my job. I’m supposed to take care of you and call you out on all of your bullshit.”

_And surely, taking care of his heart wasn’t a part of the job description, right?_

 

 

 

“You’re my psychologist,” Changkyun said, falling onto the sofa in front of Jooheon, who was picking up a grape with a pair of chopsticks (as per a challenge given to him by the YouTube video he was watching). “So, you’re supposed to diagnose me with all of my problems, when they happen.”

“It takes months to properly diagnose someone, Changkyun,” Jooheon sighed, giving up on trying his challenge—pausing the video and paying his full attention to the younger man. “And how many times do I need to tell you that I’m not a psychologist, yet?”

“Yet,” Changkyun answered. “I’m going to help you practice for the real world stuff.”

“Changkyun, you like my brother, as Hyungwon has told you so many times over,” Jooheon told him, frowning. “I really want to help you, but I’m not sure how much else I’m supposed to tell you.”

Grabbing onto a cushion and burying his face into it, the young man sighed, heavily. “I know I like him,” he mumbled. “I like him a lot. I really like him a lot.”

Looking surprised, Jooheon blinked at him. The silence made Changkyun turn his head to look at Jooheon in slight confusion at the lack of response.

“What?”

“You admitted it,” Jooheon said, blinking. “You admitted that you like my brother. You’ve never done that before.”

“I haven’t?” Changkyun looked at him, brows furrowing in confusion. But, then it hit him: he hadn’t seen Jooheon in person since he’d had sex with Minhyuk—since he’d come to terms with all of his feelings and decided that he hated having an unrequited crush on his best friend.

“No, you haven’t,” Jooheon furrowed his brows. Then, dramatically picking up his chopsticks again, the platinum haired man pretended he were writing something down on a clipboard. Jooheon was always insistent that he wasn’t Changkyun’s personal psychologist, but he wouldn’t give up an opportunity to act the part, when it meant he was learning something new about Changkyun’s love life. “Tell me about the developments since you last visit.”

 _“Well,”_ Changkyun managed to say, before his mind flashed back to the way Minhyuk gently pushed him down against the bed and kissed him, slowly. Burying his face into the pillow, Changkyun exhaled, trying to preface his confession with something _reasonable_ , “… a lot of things happened…”

There was a shuffling sound and Hyungwon poked his head out of the kitchen, looking slightly scandalized.

“Changkyun, you _didn’t_ ,” he breathed, eyes wide. Jooheon looked between the two of them, confused, but Changkyun’s cheeks immediately blushed. Hyungwon did a double-take at the younger man’s expression, before realization painted itself messily all over his face, _“Oh my god, you did, didn’t you?”_

Timidly nodding in response, Changkyun watched as Hyungwon dropped the apple he was holding in his hand, jaw falling with it. Jooheon’s expression became exponentially more confused, as he looked between them.

_“Oh my god.”_

“What? What did he do?” Jooheon asked, “What am I missing out on?”

Flustered, Changkyun bit down on his lower lip, hands squeezing the cushion sitting between his legs, “You made me think about it! But, it’s not like—it’s not like I regret it!”

Hyungwon’s expression softened, “You don’t regret it,” he repeated. “So, you admitted to yourself that you like him, finally, because you don’t regret it?”

“… I admitted it to myself even before then,” Changkyun sighed, after a moment of staring into Hyungwon’s eyes. “I just didn’t have the guts to say it aloud before this. And I don’t have the guts to tell him, either.”

“Will one of you _please_ tell me what’s happening?” Jooheon exclaimed.

Hyungwon glanced at Changkyun, who was still looking down at his hands, before looking back at his boyfriend, sighing, “… to put it simply, he had sex with Minhyuk.”

And Changkyun was sure it was just an act for the sake of being dramatic when Jooheon fell to the floor.

 

 

 

He does end up going to drink with Hoseok, apologetically blows off a gaming date with Jooheon in the process (but the older man didn’t seem to be very upset when Changkyun informed that he was leaving him for a night out at the bar with his teaching assistant). Changkyun found himself taking all of the shots Hoseok offered to him and the computer science student was lying flat against the surface of the booth’s table, on the verge of an emotional breakdown—it turned out that the promise of _“I’ll tell you after just this shot”_ wasn’t a good game plan for anyone who wanted to leave the bar on their own feet, if they were going through a whirlwind of _personal problems._

He’d just comforted Hoseok out of his own, and as much as he didn’t want for it to happen, it was suddenly his turn to have a breakdown about all of his emotions and how much they absolutely _sucked_ , for lack of a better word.

The silver-haired man seemed to have sobered up significantly after almost crying his eyes out, and he listened intently to Changkyun’s problems. Hoseok was a good listener; insisted that you became such a way after being in a relationship for so long. Even drunk, Hoseok highlighted the importance of communication in every relationship—admitted that he was failing in his own relationship for the same reason (“I want to ask him to marry me, but we’ve both been so busy, recently,” he sighed, “There’s no time for me to ask, when our relationship has been rocky for quite a while, now.”).

They play a game—a shot for a confession, and they both found themselves too drunk to have a filter on anything they were saying. Hoseok admitted that he’d been a terrible boyfriend because he’d been so busy; Changkyun admitted that he couldn’t stop thinking about having sex with Minhyuk (again and again). And it seemed so easy to confess everything to someone else—someone who wasn’t the object of all of their affections.

But, when he closed his eyes to calm the pounding headache from the alcohol, all he could see was Minhyuk’s smile flashing across the back of his eyelids—in the darkness, the image of the older man’s smile was bright.

And if Minhyuk were the sun, then perhaps, Changkyun’s wings have already burned off—perhaps, he was already drowning in an ocean of all of his feelings.

 

 

 

The next time that Changkyun ended up in the bookstore to talk to Kihyun, the older man was humming as he placed books onto the shelves. It was the happiest that he’d ever seen the older man. Two weeks after drinking with Hoseok, he’d thought enough about his own feelings to ask Kihyun for his opinion on _confessing_ to Minhyuk.

“What has you in such a good mood?” Changkyun asked from behind him. Kihyun jumped, surprised. The older man placed a hand over his chest and chuckled.

“Hey,” he greeted, turning around. And if it wasn’t a trick of the light, then he swore Kihyun’s eyes twinkled with the joy that was practically bursting from his figure. “How are things with you?”

“I really don’t know,” Changkyun said, softly. “But, I think I’ve made a really big decision and I felt like I want to tell you first, before I do anything.”

“What is it?” Kihyun asked him, raising an eyebrow. Changkyun inhaled.

“I think I want to confess to Minhyuk,” he said, exhaling a shaky breath, despite being sure of his decision. “I think it’s best for me if I just come clean with my feelings and if everything goes terribly, then at the very least, I can shrug it off and have the pain over and done with, just once.”

“I’m rooting for you, if that’s what you want to do. I’ve always been told that communication is the most important part of every relationship, and I agree—whether as your best friend or as the person of your affections, I think he deserves to know, and you should tell him.” Kihyun smiled at him, the corners of the older man’s eyes crinkling happily. It was an encouraging smile and it soothed a part of Changkyun’s mind that was shaking in fear. “I hope it all goes well for you, because I can’t do very much else. I’ll be here for you, no matter what, okay?”

“Thank you, hyung.”

Kihyun’s attention was stolen from him, just shortly after when the older man’s phone rang. And with a glance to the caller identification, Kihyun smiled apologetically before excusing himself to take the call. Changkyun noticed a silver band around Kihyun’s ring finger when the older man turned to pick up his phone.

And when he was almost out of earshot of Kihyun, he heard the older man greet the person on the other end with _‘hey, baby!’_ and he couldn’t help but smile.

At least one of them had their love lives pieced back together from being in shambles.

(Hopefully, he could follow in those footsteps, soon.)

 

 

 

But, despite everything, it took Changkyun weeks to actually gather all of his nerves to confess to Minhyuk. It was one of those things that were easier said than done. Every single time he was alone with Minhyuk, he seemed to chicken out and bite down on his tongue, pretending that he didn’t have anything important to tell him at all. He was sure that the nervousness was shown on his face, whenever he was around Minhyuk.

At the same time, however, it had been weeks since he’d started feeling so jittery around the older man (ever since he’d decided that it would be a good idea to confess all of his feelings to the older man)—if Minhyuk were to have caught onto anything, then he might have commented on it, by now. But, he didn’t. Never said a thing about how strange Changkyun was acting.

And recently, Minhyuk had been spacing out, too. Changkyun never wanted to ask about it, but when Changkyun accepted an invitation to Minhyuk’s place to have dinner with him family—his mother had insisted—Changkyun swore he caught Minhyuk staring at his lips as they ate. He’d only snapped out of it when his mother asked him if he was alright, and offered him a bowl of the soup. If anything, thinking about it simply made his hopes blossom in his chest, and surely, that wasn’t the best, when he hadn’t the slightest clue of how Minhyuk felt about him. Fabricating his own ideas couldn’t possibly be good for his mind.

(Both Kihyun and Jooheon have stressed, over and over, that it wasn’t good for him to keep everything in his head.)

Another time, when they were alone, Changkyun found himself sitting in Minhyuk’s lap as the older man cuddled against him, almost falling asleep. But, he didn’t dare to say a word to the older man about his feelings. He had so many chances, but he’d given them all up because his nerves poked and stabbed at him, until he couldn’t form coherent words to tell Minhyuk that he liked him, as something more than just a friend.

At some point, he hated himself for stalling it. _What was the point in making such a firm decision when he couldn’t bring himself to act upon it, when they were finally alone?_

Everything only spiraled into a deeper mess, when temptation overpowered self-control with the help of alcohol, on Minhyuk’s birthday, and they fall into bed with one another again. Changkyun couldn’t help but think that perhaps, there might be something there on Minhyuk’s end, if it was the older man who leaned in to kiss him, first.

It’s December and snowing by the time that he steeled his nerves and decided that he needed to simply speak his mind. It couldn’t be that hard—even if he couldn’t find his words in the moment, Minhyuk was always patient and always willing to wait and listen to him, when he couldn’t find the words. He’d always done it before. They’d been best friends for years, and Minhyuk was the same person he’d always been. There was nothing that Changkyun needed to be afraid of.

Simple feelings didn’t need to build anything complex.

 _[From: Lee Minhyuk (14:22)]_ I’ll wait for you outside of your class.

 _[To: Lee Minhyuk (14:31)]_ Why? Did we have plans I forgot about?

 _[From: Lee Minhyuk (14:33)]_ No, we don’t. You left your scarf at my place, last time you came over. It’s cold outside, today.

 _[From: Lee Minhyuk (14:35)]_ I know you don’t have another scarf, so I brought it for you, today.

Packing up his things, Changkyun’s heart stopped. Minhyuk was always so warm and kind to him—as he should be, but he couldn’t help but think that maybe, it would be so much nicer, if there was a chance for them to hold hands and kiss under fluttering snowflakes. This deep into an infatuation with his best friend (so deep, that it might just be love), Changkyun could hardly understand how he formed coherent sentences around the older man.

He’d taken his time, so that the halls would have cleared out by the time he met up with Minhyuk in the hallway. And the lecture hall was almost empty, when he left the room. Minhyuk was waiting for him, bundled up in a scarf and a beanie— _cute_ , Changkyun thought, biting back a small smile.

“Hi,” he greeted, glancing up at Minhyuk. The older man flashed him a smile, pulling his own scarf down to speak.

“Hey,” Minhyuk replied. “You really don’t know how to dress for the weather, do you?”

“You really didn’t have to,” Changkyun murmured, when Minhyuk pulled his scarf out of his backpack. “I’m wearing a hoodie. I think that’s warm enough.”

“You’re going to freeze to death outside, dressed like that,” Minhyuk scolded him, wrapping the scarf around Changkyun’s neck. “I don’t want you to die.”

And when the scarf was neatly wrapped around his neck, Changkyun. Minhyuk’s hands still lingered, not wanting to let go of the ends of the scarf. He stared into Minhyuk’s eyes and for a moment, it felt like they were having a silent, sincere conversation with just their eyes—as if they were saying everything they couldn’t bring themselves to say aloud. His heartbeat pounded in his ears and he could practically feel the gears in his mind racing to come up with something to say. _This was the moment to confess,_ his mind suddenly shouted. Changkyun raised his hands, placing them on top of Minhyuk’s, gently—desperate to let everything spill.

_“Hyung, I—”_

“ _Aw_ , look at you two! How long have you two been dating?” a girl’s voice asked. They couldn’t see her, but the teasing lilt in her tone was obvious—they didn’t need to see her to know that she was grinning.

Minhyuk’s attention was snatched from him and he turned around, cheeks suddenly flushing. Changkyun looked up, quickly recognizing the short-haired girl as Kim Dasom—a girl from one of Minhyuk’s fourth-year engineering lectures, and a good friend of Changkyun’s old babysitter, Bora. She was rather close to Hyungwon. Changkyun knew it was safe to assume that Dasom knew of Changkyun’s feelings, if she’d ever spoken to Hyungwon about them—it felt like a jab, when she asked.

He glanced at Minhyuk, when the older man cleared his throat.

“We’re not dating,” Minhyuk quickly answered, a brief stutter in his response. “We’re not like that. We’re just friends. That’s all. We’re just really, really good friends.”

And every single denying word felt like a dagger stabbing into Changkyun’s heart. Despite it being true, he couldn’t help the way that he felt physical pain from each word leaving the older man’s lips. The denial felt so strong, and Changkyun felt so fragile. He couldn’t even pay attention to the conversation at hand—Dasom asking Minhyuk for the notes from the lecture she’d missed—he hadn’t even realized that his disappointment lead his feet to slowly walk away from them without saying a word.

He hadn’t noticed it, until Minhyuk caught his wrist.

 _“Wait, Changkyun,”_ Minhyuk called, turning to look at him. There was that sincere look in his eyes again, flickering with something he’d never noticed in Minhyuk’s eyes before, and Changkyun felt so _weak._ “What were you going to say?”

But, with a heavy weight in his mind, he couldn’t bring himself to say a single word.

“I’ll tell you another time,” he murmured, chest feeling heavy with everything he couldn’t bring himself to say, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice. “I’ll go home, now. Thank you for the scarf. I’ll see you later.”

(He didn’t turn around and look back to see Minhyuk staring at his retreating back, until he vanished.)

 

 

 

It’s all his imagination, but one thought followed another; every thought piling down on him like dominoes—breaking him down, slowly. And for no reason apparent to Minhyuk, he ignored all of the older man’s texts; all of his calls—for days, he’d even considered blocking the older man’s phone number. He sat in a different spot in the lecture they had together, avoiding Minhyuk’s eyes when the older man searched for him the lecture hall. When Minhyuk came to his place, he begged his mother to tell the older man that he wasn’t home (but, looking past Changkyun’s mother, there was no doubt that Minhyuk would be able to see his shoes on the floor; he’d easily know that it was a lie).

He was being dramatic and he knew it. His disappointment was unreasonable to himself, even in his mind, but perhaps, that was himself trying to convince himself that he’d built up all of his hope for nothing.

Minhyuk saw them as friends and nothing more. The denial he’d given to Dasom made that much evident to Changkyun, and he couldn’t even hold onto the hope that everything was in his head and that he was making it all up. This was something Minhyuk _said_ , something he’d heard with his own ears—something that shattered his heart to little pieces.

Perhaps, he thought to himself, that he shouldn’t have been so hopeful. Perhaps, he shouldn’t have been so dramatic. Perhaps, Minhyuk didn’t deserve for him to be acting so childish in response to his words. Minhyuk wasn’t obligated to return his feelings, after all. But, he can’t help the way that his tears fall down his cheeks in hot streams, when he locked the door of his bedroom behind his back and buried his face into his pillows. In that moment, he thinks: _falling in love never ended kindly for anyone._

Being away from Minhyuk hurt, but giving into hope seemed to have hurt him more.

And then, he thinks of Icarus—thinks of the lesson in the story—thinks of how he should have listened to his intuition. Thinks of how he shouldn’t have given into the temptation of flying too close to the sun, because he was too curious.

The pain wasn’t worth the curiosity.

And for the first time since he’d given up his virginity to Minhyuk, he thinks that it might have been a mistake.

 

 

 

It was hard to avoid someone when you’ve spent so much of your life by their side. It was hard to avoid someone when they could read almost all of your actions. He learned it the hard way. He should have known better than to try to avoid Minhyuk, because it would all dwindle down to this, eventually—he couldn’t hide forever. Not from Minhyuk, and not from his feelings. It was hard to function without his best friend by his side, but it had been his choice to avoid Minhyuk—he had to deal with the consequences of his choices, he’d learned.

He’d been hoping for more time alone; more time to avoid the older man and try to get away from everything; more time to pretend that he was never in love with his best friend to begin with. He didn’t know how Minhyuk did it, but the older man finally managed to corner him, when the younger man went to visit Jooheon and Hyungwon, hoping for a shoulder to cry on, instead of his soaking his pillows for the third night in a row, that week. It was just past ten o’clock, but it seemed that he was entirely too predictable.

But, when he’d gotten there, there was a note on the door that told him that the couple wasn’t home. It read, in Hyungwon’s messy handwriting: _we’re at the formal. We thought you’d be dropping by, so we left a note, but we’re not home. Sorry, Changkyun. — Hyungwon. P.S. You can text us, but we probably won’t be replying very quickly._

He’d turned to head home, disappointed, but when he looked up, he was faced with his best friend, panting heavily—having obviously just ran up the stairs. Changkyun froze in the presence of the older man, meeting his eyes for barely a couple seconds, before he looked away and pretended that he didn’t see him.

(And he didn’t see the heartbroken look on his best friend’s face.)

How Minhyuk had gotten his timing so perfectly was mind-blowing to Changkyun— _almost in the same way that he’d always thought about Minhyuk. Almost in that same way that his fluttering heart told him that everything Lee Minhyuk did was entirely awe striking._ But, he wasn’t ready to face Minhyuk, yet. He didn’t have an excuse for how long he’d been avoiding him, yet. Minhyuk would see through all of his lies, anyway.

In quick footsteps, the older man was standing in front of him. Changkyun side-stepped, trying to move past him, but Minhyuk blocked his way. The younger man avoided his eyes—avoided his gaze.

“Please move,” he said, quietly. Minhyuk inhaled, shaking his head.

“No,” he replied. “I’m not moving. I’m not letting you get away from me.”

“I have somewhere to be,” Changkyun told him.

“Surely, it can wait,” Minhyuk said, and there was something desperate in his tone—desperate to make Changkyun stay. “Surely, a lie can wait for me for just five minutes.”

Changkyun bit down on his lower lip—Minhyuk could see straight through his lies without even needing to look him in the eye. There really wasn’t anything that he could hide from the older man, aside from the feelings he’d been carrying in his heart for the past five years.

“Five minutes,” he replied, quietly, “You have five minutes.”

“Changkyun, talk to me,” Minhyuk pleaded, pinning him against the door. Changkyun gasped, surprised when his back hit against the cold metal of the apartment’s front door. There was something broken in the sound of his voice. “Why are you avoiding me? What did I do wrong? Whatever I did, I deserve to know, don’t I?”

“It’s not you,” Changkyun mumbled, not daring to look him in the eye. “It’s not your fault. It’s me.”

“So, is that it?” Minhyuk asked, tone almost frantically searching. “Is that all you’re going to say? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me all this time? Because of yourself? Can’t I get a better excuse? I’ve thought about it for weeks—I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. Why are you suddenly pretending I don’t exist, when all I can think about is you?”

Changkyun’s breath hitched in the back of his throat, when his heart jumped in his chest at the words, but he scolded himself mentally. _Minhyuk didn’t mean it like that. Minhyuk didn’t mean it the way that he wanted him to mean it._ But, their close proximity had him holding his breath; had his heart pounding in his chest despite all of his attempts to forget about his feelings for the older man.

“You can’t do this to me, Kyun,” Minhyuk told him, fingers lifting Changkyun’s chin up to make their eyes meet. Changkyun closed his eyes, inhaling shakily, before he finally steeled his nerves and looked Minhyuk in the eye. “Don’t just tell me it’s not my fault and say nothing else. You can’t leave me in the dark, when you got me to fall for you—you can’t leave me alone when I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Fall… for me?” Changkyun repeated, confusion lacing his tone somewhere amidst shock. Minhyuk’s gentle fingers moved to cradle his cheek, and there was that look in the older man’s eyes again—that sincere gaze with the glimmer of something that Changkyun couldn’t seem to put a name to.

Then, softly, he murmured, “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, since the first time I kissed you; since the first time that I put my hands on you, Changkyun. So, won’t you tell me how I can mend our relationship? Won’t you tell me how I’m supposed to ask if you could ever feel the same way about me?”

It all came crashing down on him too quickly for him to register, all at once. It felt too surreal to be hearing this from Minhyuk. Not when he’d heard with his own ears that Minhyuk said they were _just friends_ ; not when he’d destroyed all of his hopes, already.

(But, he’d always been told not to fabricate everything in his head.)

 _“You’re lying to me,”_ Changkyun said, softly. His eyes shook, disbelieving. “There’s no way.”

“Why would I be lying to you? Have I ever lied to you before, Kyun? Is it wrong?” Minhyuk asked, stepping a little closer to him. His back was almost pressed flat against the door, Minhyuk standing so close to him. And, the weaker part of Changkyun’s mind wanted to reach out and hold him. “Is it wrong to be in love with your best friend?”

 _In love with your best friend._ It echoed in Changkyun’s mind—repeating itself over and over until he felt dizzy. And then, it struck a nerve in his heart—suddenly, he felt _relieved_ (like the weight of heartbreak was finally lifting and trying to mend his heart), and words fell from his lips like an endless waterfall of absolute nonsense.

“You made me cry, hyung,” Changkyun whispered, voice shaking, “You made me cry, because you made me think that I’d made the biggest mistake ever, when I gave myself to you. You made me think that all I became to you was someone who was always willing to have sex with you. You made me think that I didn’t have a chance with you. You made me think that you could never feel the same way about me, as I did for you. You told Dasom that we were just friends, and that was all we were. _Hyung,_ _you broke my heart._ ”

 _“Baby,”_ Minhyuk breathed, leaning their foreheads together. His thumb brushed away the stray tear that fell from Changkyun’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. Is that why you were avoiding me?”

Meekly, Changkyun nodded, letting the tears fall down his cheeks as he stared into Minhyuk’s sincere gaze.

“I should have told you so much sooner,” Minhyuk said, softly. His voice was barely above a whisper, but every single syllable echoed in Changkyun’s mind as loud as ever. “I should have told you that I realized I was in love with you so, so, so much sooner. Am I too late, now, Changkyun? Can I tell you, now?”

Eyes glistening with tears, Changkyun bit down on his lower lip, nodding again.

 _“I’m in love with you, Im Changkyun.”_ Minhyuk confessed, his free hand entwining his fingers with the hand Changkyun held to his side. “I love you, and I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. I’m sorry I made you wait for so long, and I’m sorry I made you cry, but I’ll work for your forgiveness. You’re my best friend, and I love you. I love you like a friend, and I love you so much more than that.”

Changkyun’s fingers closed themselves around Minhyuk’s longer fingers, squeezing his hand, gently.

“I should have told you, too,” Changkyun whispered, “I should have been braver and told you how I felt.”

Minhyuk’s thumb gently rubbed soothing circles against the back of Changkyun’s hand, fingers still tightly intertwined. “Well… now, we know, right?”

“I guess so,” he replied, biting back a small smile.

“May I kiss you?”

“… Please, do.”

(Fireworks exploded in his chest as soon as their lips met, and Changkyun felt pure happiness blooming in his chest, when Minhyuk pressed him against the door.

And this time, when Jooheon and Hyungwon come home, Changkyun has to pretend it isn’t hilarious when Jooheon shrieks upon seeing them making out against their front door.)

 

 

 

**epilogue.**

Spring convocation has cherry blossoms falling from the trees above them. Pink and white petals falling down complement the indigo gowns on the graduating students sitting in neat rows across the park that the school had rented out for the day of the convocation. To Changkyun, nothing is prettier than the smile on Minhyuk’s face when he steps down from the stage and immediately walks towards his boyfriend.

“Babe, I’m so proud of you,” Changkyun says, wrapping his arms around Minhyuk’s body, when the older man steps off the stage with his degree in his hands.

“You never call me hyung, anymore,” Minhyuk sighs, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Changkyun’s lips.

“I don’t want to,” Changkyun sticks out his tongue, snatching Minhyuk’s graduation cap from his head and flashing a wicked grin at him. The younger man places the cap onto his own head, smiling. “You’re my boyfriend, my baby.”

“You’re such a brat,” Minhyuk rolls his eyes, “You’re going to get it when we get home.”

And Changkyun’s heart flutters because, when Minhyuk says _home,_ what he means is the apartment they’re going to be moving into, together. The home they’d co-signed together, last month; a decision they’d made together after a year of dating. Changkyun can’t handle his own excitement and Minhyuk’s eyes twinkle knowingly.

Their fingers comfortably intertwine and Changkyun still feels as giddy as the first time they held hands in public.

And looking at Minhyuk now, his heart jumps a little when he thinks about everything they’d gone through to get to this point. Sometimes, he thinks about how lucky he got, but right now, he thinks about how sometimes, taking risks have the greatest payouts, even if it means flying a little too dangerously close to the sun.

“Are you ready to go?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really was not kidding when I said that I have no self-control when it comes to works that involve Changkyun and porn. This was supposed to be roughly 20k. That clearly didn't happen.
> 
> Feel free to find me on Twitter @yuseokki! Comments are always loved. ;w;


End file.
